Be Careful What You Wish For
by SASundance
Summary: Summary: So was it just me or did anyone else think that Gibbs was way out of line with his remark about Tony in Silent Night S6 E11 when Abby asked him what he was getting Tony for Christmas and he replied, "An attitude adjustment." A shortish tag examining how much harm words can really do.
1. Chapter 1

Rating: T

Disclaimer: The characters of NCIS are not mine; I merely borrow them from time to time. Nor do I make any money from these stories. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Okay so was it just me or did anyone else think that Gibbs was way out of line with his remark about Tony in Silent Night S6 E11 when Abby asked him what he was getting for Tony ofr Christmas and he replied, "An attitude adjustment."

A.N. This is a short tag to the episode Silent Night because the abject cruelty of that remark has always stuck in my craw majorly. For those of you rolling your eyes that I am posting another FF while I have two WIP pending that have been and fear it will interfere with them – fear not. This tag has been written and redrafted and has been sitting on my computer for nearly six months. The redoubtable Arress is beta'ing this one, thanks muchly ;) and it is quite short, consisting of 5 chapters plus a prologue and an epilogue which is deliberately ambiguous.. Also I need to warn everyone up front there will not be a sequel, it is sad – well Arress sad it was and I think so too so you might want to have Kleenex for the last couple. As always don't be a stranger – let me know what you think.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Prologue

Abby grabbed him in a fierce hug. Yeah, sure, she was a hugger of epic proportions, but this was more than a little OTT. Tony felt as if his intestines were in danger of being squeezed out of his mouth and he couldn't say that the experience was one that he was enjoying. Much as he hated to hurt his friend's feelings, he was beginning to feel rather woozy and he knew she would feel crap if he… um, took a short nap (since DiNozzo's didn't pass out). _Time to speak up, Anthony!_

"Um, Abs, need to breathe please." He winced in spite of himself

"Ohmygosh, Tony. I'm so sorry," she apologised and it occurred to him somewhat idly that Gibbs never dared to tell the Goth that apologies were a sign of weakness. He guessed that he couldn't bring himself to be a bastard to their favourite lab rat. Seeing her continued distress after releasing him, he put his arms around her comfortingly.

"Hey, hey, what 'sup, Sweet Cheeks?" He asked confused. Surely he hadn't upset her that much, had he?

"He didn't mean it, Tony, because you know that he loves us all… right? You know that dontcha… sure you do. Cuz we're his Gibblettes, the Bombe to his Alaska, the yin to his yang, the mozzarella to his pizza, the banana to his split…"

Knowing that Abby could potentially keep this up til he was old and grey, he gently placed his hand over her mouth to stem the flow of verbal diarrhoea that was in full flow. He gathered that his mentor had said or done something to upset Abby and if that was the case he would personally tear him a new one. What the Hell had he thinking? Maybe on second thought, he would just make him put the Goth back together and in her 'happy space'.

"What did Gibbs do to you?" He asked her, feeling his blood pressure rise.

Looking at her biting her lower lip, he decided that perhaps he needed to sabotage Gibbs' caffeine intake to teach him not to hurt Abby as he took his hand away from her mouth.

"He's just being a grouch, I'm sure he didn't mean it," she averred, tears threatening to overflow her pale green eyes.

Privately, Tony thought that Gibbs seldom said anything he didn't mean. The man was a functional mute after all, so when he said something it was usually a pretty accurate representation of what he was thinking or feeling, but he kept that belief to himself right now. "It's okay, Abbs, just tell me what he did to you."

"Um, not me… I asked him what he thought you wanted for Christmas and he said an attitude adjustment… but, Tony, you know he didn't mean it, right? He was just in a bad mood. I love your attitude… you're the glue that holds us together, you're the heart and soul of the team. If it weren't for you, the Boss-man and Maddie wouldn't still be with us anymore. Can I give you a hug again, Tony? Please?"

He opened his arms and she flew into them, proceeding to hug him almost as tight as before as he kissed her hair and murmured a litany of comforting nonsense in her ear and she quietened. Sighing, she finally let him go and he heaved a silent sigh of relief to be able to breathe normally again… well, for him anyway. Catching her hand he dragged her towards the elevator.

"C'mon, Abbs, let's power down your babies and I'll drive you home," he instructed her in a tone that brooked no objections. Pushing aside his own feelings of hurt about Gibbs' comment, he resolved not to think about it until after he'd settled down his high-strung friend. As Gibbs' undisputed favourite on his team, on the odd occasion when he was short with her, Abby totally fell apart. It brought back some dark memories of when he'd gone off to Mexico with barely a kiss my ass and Abby hadn't dealt with Gibbs abandoning her well at all. None of them had, but Abby in particular was inconsolable. He knew because it had been his job to try and console her, and like everything else during the four months before his Lordship final deigned to come home, Tony had failed miserably.


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: Fans of Ziva will probably take offence at content in this chapter so I recommend taking that into account before you decide to read this.

A/N Seems I wasn't the only one that the comment in question angered and blarney's review summed it all up nicely and so I quote…

"I did not understand the remark Gibbs made about Tony needing an attitude adjustment. It came out of left field to me and there didn't seem to be any closure to the remark…"blarney

Honestly I think that was what was so disturbing – there was absolutely no rhyme or reason that I could see for such a gratuitously ugly remark. No way it could be explained away this time as a joke (Missing), teasing or Tony having stepped too far over the line. It was whoa, were the heck did that come from? Also wasn't amused at the way the team treated him when Detective Kemp appeared and it was revealed he married an ex of Tony's. When combined with what Gibbs said to Abby, it all just added up to a whole lot of nasty.

Thanks to everyone who alerted, reviews and faved. I appreciate your support. and it was pointed out to me that apart from my two WIP I also have the two Guardian Angel series pending too. My bad, although I haven't forgotten them but think of them more as ongoing series of separate stories that are linked rather than WIP in the same vein as a multi-chapter story if that makes sense to anyone other than myself ;). Fear not, I am planning on updating them both when I finish the two multi chapter WIPs which are close to being completed. I also plan to start working on sequels to Halloween Remembrance and Running from the Demons too. Arress beta'ed this chapter and has my eternal gratitude and any boo boos from my tweaking are on me.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 1

After the Christmas break, everyone noticed that Tony seemed different. Christmas had always been a particularly painful time of the year for him and this year had additional challenges as well. He'd run into Justin Kemp, the metro detective who ended up marrying an old girlfriend of Tony's that he'd actually been fairly serious about. The contact had led to thoughts of his ill-fated love affair with Jeanne Benoit. Ziva, while they'd been staking out the Washington Memorial on Christmas Eve had gone straight for his soft underbelly, wanting to know if he'd ever regretted not getting married or having kids.

Was she freakin kidding or what? It was only last year he'd had his heart broken after he'd come so close to living with the beautiful Doctor Benoit. And for him, it didn't get much more serious than that. Since Wendy left him practically at the altar, he'd been seriously commitment phobic, and any wonder? Both times he'd be foolish enough to open up his heart and ended up broken hearted. _Ha broken – more like crushed, shattered, his heart turned to dust, ripped out of his chest, irrevocably petrified..._

He sometimes wondered if Ziva David had been the sort of kid who went around ripping the wings off butterflies for fun. What was he thinking…of course she was. What else would a mini-in-training Mossad Assassin do for fun, unless perhaps she was amputating the legs off still live frogs and cooking them for lunch? She was so damned merciless in her pursuit of him, with an implacable predator's instinct to draw blood so he ended up rushing out into the snow just to get away from her, even if being out in the frigid air was the last thing his lungs needed right now. And then to cap it all off, there was the perilous state of his relationship with his mentor and the team which had been off for a while now. Put it all together and it all added up to one heck of a sucky Christmas!

Returning to the office after the Christmas break, people noticed the change. He was quiet, reserved, and haughtily polite, and his 1000 watt grin and jokes were conspicuously absent. His colleagues noticed that the endless comparison to situations in movies had ceased while many of his contemporaries commented upon the freaky stillness of the man who was infamous for his inability to stay still for longer than a few minutes. He was frequently observed sitting unmoving at his desk for hours at a time, focused on his computer and seemingly unaware of what was happening around him. He failed to join in the banter that Team Gibbs was renowned for, too.

Ziva and McGee, although initially concerned, found that after Tony assured them that he was fine, enjoyed the absence of teasing, the constant references to movie, the insatiable need for attention, and the unquenchable curiosity into their private lives. It was like he was a carbon copy of Tony physically, but that was where the similarity ended. Gibbs was suitably suspicious that Tony was up to some highly elaborate prank or that he was perhaps ill or something. DiNozzo seemed fine though, and to be honest, he too liked the peace and quiet in the bullpen. They got a lot of paperwork done and it was high time DiNozzo grew up.

Over the course of the week, though, they found that the change in the bull pen wasn't quite as desirable as they'd imagined it would be. Just after Christmas they picked up a case that was bound to press all of Gibbs' buttons when the wife of a serving Marine master sergeant was sexually assaulted and died from head injuries sustained as she fought off her attacker. To make matters worse, the assault had taken place on base housing with the couple's five-year-old son sleeping in the next room who woke up the next morning to find his mother lying in a pool of blood. All that meant, of course, that Gibbs turned into someone completely feral, pushing the team past even his usual unreasonable expectations, not letting them go home, eat or sleep. He was beyond desperate to find the killer.

Initially, Ziva and McGee relished the fact that Tony didn't seem interested in playing the one upmanship game that Gibbs used to try to wring out every last drop of effort from his team. So, rather than having to compete with Tony, they just had to compete against each other, and McGee in particular felt that it was now his turn to shine. He always felt his contributions were seriously underrated by everyone on the team, especially Tony. Now was his big chance to bask in the glow, but the trouble was that no matter what information he came up with, it wasn't enough for their driven boss in his current mood. Gibbs was always a hard taskmaster and pushed them all way past their limits, but this case had sent him into a new stratosphere of bastardness. They all kept looking over at Tony, silently begging him to crack a joke and lighten the mood in the bull pen, but he kept his head down, focused on finding leads.

As the case progressed, Ziva and McGee, not to mention the rest of the bull pen, expected the senior field agent to step in and put his body on the line to deflect the fallout from Gibbs' frustration and anger away from the junior members of the team, and everyone else in the office, too. It was what he routinely did, but Tony seemed oblivious to the tension in the bull pen, though. He kept his head down and his mouth shut only speaking to deliver leads or information directly pertaining to the case. As Gibbs became progressively more disturbed by their lack of progress and stepped up the yelling, head slaps and abuse, Ziva and McGee kept prodding Tony, trying to get him to respond in his usual moronic fashion. Unfortunately, he seemed heedless to everyone's distress.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Tim McGee realised that with the increasing tension in the office, he was beginning to stutter around Gibbs again. He'd done that early on when he'd joined the team, but thought he was over that nervous affliction long ago. Obviously not! And as Gibbs fumed, stalked, yelled, demanded and made it abundantly clear that the team wasn't giving him the leads he needed to find the killer, he realised just how much Tony's juvenile behaviour had shielded him from Gibbs' anger and obsessive personality.

And how when the SFA's jokes and pranks weren't there to deflect their fearless leader from taking his frustrations out on the team for not producing the results he demanded, McGee realised finally what they'd taken for granted. Until now!

It was now blatantly clear that when all else failed Tony had fearlessly thrown himself in the path of the Gibbs-bomb, triggering it to release the unbearable tension in the bull pen where it was impossible to breathe let alone think. With all the benefits of hindsight, McGee comprehended that Tony used a cavalierly suicidal remark or a ribald joke, or even a seemingly tactless comment about Gibbs' disposition, to set him off. He'd always marvelled at how dumb Tony was to be caught repeatedly making remarks behind Gibbs' back, but perhaps it hadn't been as unintentional as he'd always assumed. It happened far too frequently for it to be coincidence now that he thought about it. Particularly as it wasn't happening all of a sudden, which sort of suggested it had been premeditated.

He castigated himself for breaking rule #8, never assume. Just because Tony looked and acted like a dumbass didn't necessarily make it so. But something had changed and it was like a clone had replaced the real DiNozzo with someone completely different. He worked almost silently, typing at the keyboard like a professional PA, not the one-fingered variety of poking the keyboard that he was used to seeing from the childish agent.

Now that Tony wasn't deflecting their leader's ire any longer and the tension was ratcheted up to unbearable proportions, Tim felt his body including his neural synapses, his secret weapon, had either gone on strike or run away screaming like a little girl. After more than four years working for Gibbs, he couldn't concentrate or anticipate his requests, and he knew that his boss was getting increasingly pissed off with him. He had gotten unbelievably pissed off with the whole team, really.

As he found himself turning into an emotional wreck, it also didn't escape his notice that Tony, while not displaying any of his erratic brilliance punctuated by moments of sheer idiocy and childishness, was working with a feverish intensity. The sheer volume of intelligence he produced was staggering and McGee realised he in comparison was finding it increasingly impossible to function, and damn it, DiNozzo was making him and Ziva look bad!

Trying to get things back to normal, Tim attempted some icebreakers about movies that the case could be compared to, and Ziva joined in gratefully, sharing her observations in her typically atrocious mangling of idiomatic phrases. Several times after her struggling with a idiom, both junior agents looked over, silently begging Tony to correct her attempts at colloquialisms and pop culture references, but Tony's expression remained impassive and he kept concentrating on the intelligence gathering he was focused on. He didn't even react in his usual fashion when Gibbs crept up behind him and let him have it with a pretty vicious head slap, loudly demanding that he quit wasting time and give him a lead.

Frowning, Tim realised that following the head slap Tony didn't leap a mile in his seat, didn't scream like a wounded child, didn't pout, didn't scowl at his teammates when they smirked at his discomfort, didn't thank Gibbs for hitting him, didn't apologise profusely, explain or show any expression. He remained utterly impassive like a zombie or a pencil-pushing Fibbie and gave the scantest of verbal response – a soft "Yes, Gibbs."

Since when did Tony refer to the boss by his last name? Ah, darn it; would this case, this day, this hour never end? Even though the MCRT worked killer hours, much more than any other team at NCIS, the time usually seem to fly by, and Tim hadn't realised how much of that was down to the banter and camaraderie that apparently their senior field agent had been exuding, up until now. He hoped whatever the Hell was wrong with him that he would get it together before Gibbs killed them all.

Leaping half out of his chair as Gibbs snuck up behind him, leaning in with a frightening intensity to murmur menacingly, "I want something when I get back, Elf lord, or you'll be back in the cyber basement so fast your computer bits will bob…are we clear, McGee?" He emphasised his threat with a Gibbs slap to the back of his head that had him seeing stars and stuttering once more. Shooting a look across at Tony, expecting him to be laughing at his misfortune, once again he was shocked to see the SFA seemingly oblivious to what was going on.

Who the hell was this doppelganger and what had he done with Tony?


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to everyone who alerted, reviewed and faved. I appreciate your support which has been extraordinary going by how many people have placed this humble tag on alert. Much thanks to you all and although I don't usually respond individually to reviews due to internet restriction I do read them all even the negative ones. Just wanted to respond to the reviewer Beloved Daughter who thought Tony seemed depressed and I have to say that this was my impression as I wrote that scene too. Christmas is a difficult holiday for many lonely people and I think that Tony qualifies here. He had also been through a really bad time in the year or so before this episode took place, that would drive many people to reach for antidepressants or sleeping tablets and Domino had taken place not long before. Heads up that there will be fireworks in the next couple of chapters but for now enjoy :)

Arress beta'ed this chapter and has my eternal gratitude and any boo boos from my tweaking are on me. No really, this woman is a saint, spare a thought for her since I sent her an absolutely massive chapter to BR for An Eye for an Eye last night. She doesn't just wrangle my recalcitrant commas into submission either, she feeds my silliness and we bounce ideas off each other and she has a great recall for canon details that makes my life so much easier. Betas are a rare breed and they don't get nearly enough recognition!

Be Careful What you Wish For

Chapter 2

Ziva winced as she listened to Tim stumble and stutter his way through his presentation of the results of his investigation into the security tapes and also the financial examination of Juliette Clarkson, the dead wife of Marine Master Sergeant Clarkson. Tim seemed to get more nervous as he went along, and when Tony made no attempt to help him out of the hole he was digging or try to take advantage of the disaster waiting to happen, Ziva realised it was her chance to earn bluey points with Gibbs. So she snatched the clicker from the highly agitated junior agent and sashayed up to take centre stage. Having milked her extensive collection of contacts in the States and internationally, she proceeded to give an account of what she had discovered, before moving to her interviews with the neighbours and relatives.

Which Gibbs wasted no time in pointing out amounted to '_a whole lotta nothing, David_' and demanded that she find them a viable lead or he'd personally load her back onto the next flight to Tel Aviv. That pissed off the former assassin since while she hadn't produced any viable leads, Tony had taught her that genius… well, okay, in this case finding leads on a case, was one percent inspiration and 99 percent respiration. You had to do lots of heavy breathing to break a case. So instead of focusing on the one percent that she hadn't found yet, Gibbs should be happy she'd ruled out many possibilities. Surely, that meant they were that much closer to an answer.

Nodding, she replied compliantly nevertheless. "Yes, Gibbs, I will get right on it." She returned to her desk as she and Tim waited to see what Tony would produce.

He stood up, walked swiftly to the plasma and commenced sharing the background check he'd done on the family before moving on to the profile he was developing on the killer. Tony reported that when complete he would have Abby submit it to CODIS (Combined DNA Index System) and ViCAP (Violent Criminal Apprehension Program) to see if they scored any hits. Before anyone had a chance to comment, he hurried on to reveal that he'd contacted the surrounding PDs to see if they had any similar outstanding or even solved cases before expanding the search to include NCIS, the MPs and other branches of the Armed Services, and he'd already begun compiling a list of POI. He'd also started compiling a second list of suspects who'd committed home invasions or house break-ins with the rationale that even rapists and killers might initially start by panicking when confronted in a house they thought was empty and merely intent on burglary.

Before anyone ventured an opinion, Tony had hurried on to report that he was currently checking the sexual offender databases for any similarities in MOs and had sent out alerts to his contacts with surrounding LEOs. Ziva, while secretly impressed with the volume of information he'd managed to tug together so fast, was nevertheless disgruntled with her teammate. Was he deliberately trying to make her and McGee look like a couple of bumbling newsters? How had he managed to get so much done anyway? While she was used to him one downing them with Gibbs when they were presenting information, he usually seemed to have done minimal work and just pulled a significant lead out of thick air, but this was different. This made her and Tim look as if they were sitting around twiddling their pinkies, and she for one wouldn't sit for it.

As she tried to figure out what she should be focusing on next to try and get back into Gibbs' happy books, she realised that all the constant irritating juvenile chatter just wasn't as infuriating as she had always thought. The joking around, especially the movie quotes, descriptions and analysis, was always a good indicator of what Tony was thinking. Although she would rather walk around stark naked than admit it to him, giving them an insight into his thought processes via his cinematic examples, Tony often gave them a chance to barnstorm ideas off each other. This inevitably lead to them coming up with an excess of possibilities to check out which almost always produce at least one solid lead at the end of the process.

And by stark naked, Ziva meant walking around without benefit of any of her five throwing knives, two others for slitting throats and the three guns that she habitually wore. Personally, she would much rather walk around without her clothes than her arsenal of weapons. She worked hard on maintaining her body, used it as additional artillery, but to be bereft of her weapons was enough for her to break out in a cold sweat. But it was a hoot point because Tony wasn't giving anything away. Maybe he had finally realised that he was being too generous with his thoughts and decided to keep them to himself to suck down on Gibbs, although if that was his reason, then it didn't seem to be working very well.

Gibbs seemed to be more irritated with Tony than he usually was, and that wouldn't normally worry the Mossad liaison officer unduly since she liked to be the one that Gibbs cozied up to. The problem was that whatever Tony was up to, it wasn't just making Gibbs pissed with him, they were all bearing the grunt of his temper, and she was ready to hurt someone with a paperclip, and Tim looked like someone had just shot his guppy.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Tony closed the front door of his apartment and dropped his backpack on the floor near the door. Peeling off his jacket and removing his tie and shoes, he padded over to the sofa and collapsed onto the leather upholstery in a boneless heap. He'd been working 20 hour days until they'd finally closed the case of the dead wife of the Marine after they got a positive hit from the CODIS Database giving them the lead that they needed to break the case. They'd arrested the brother of a female Marine corporal who had a thing for Juliette Clarkson's physical type.

There was no comfort in finding her killer. She was still dead, the Master Sergeant was still a widower and the little five-year-old boy was still motherless, even though they caught the dirtbag. The only consolation was that this wasn't the scumbag's first rape and murder, so at the very least by getting him off the streets, hopefully he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else… at least for a while. But Tony couldn't help but think of the little boy growing up without his mother's love. He knew that his own mother wasn't exactly the poster child for maternal love, but all he knew was despite her deficiencies, including being drunk half of the time, his life was even worse when she left him as an eight-year-old. He hoped the Master Sergeant turned out to be a better father than Senior had.

Aware that his stomach was growling because it was so long since he'd eaten a proper meal, in truth Tony was just too damn tired to get up and look for food, have a shower or even climb into a warm comfy bed. Although a little cold, he couldn't even be bothered trying to remedy the situation. And now that the case was done, he couldn't ignore the bitter truth anymore.

Gibbs had been an absolute bear to work with through the whole damned case, despite the fact he had tried really hard to give him what he wanted - an attitude adjustment. Yet he'd obviously failed to deliver… again. He was always disappointing the Boss it would seem. Despite being quiet, focused and professional at all times and working his butt off looking for the killer, Gibbs was still yelling at him… at all of them. He made sure that he didn't make jokes or tease McGee or Ziva, but they all seemed angry at him. So, he wasn't sure, but he must have done something stupid. It wouldn't be the first time, but he was thinking that it was probably the last time

If he was being honest with himself for once in his life, they hadn't really been a team for a long time now. Gibbs had told Abby that he needed an attitude adjustment, but clearly that wasn't going to fix what had been broken. Maybe what Gibbs really meant was he wanted a complete change of attitude in his agent as in a totally different person. Maybe once Tony left, he would settle down and stop taking his frustration out on the junior team members. After all, they didn't get Jen Shepard killed or deliberately conceal the fact that they were on an undercover assignment working for the director for almost a year. Clearly, his boss didn't have faith in Tony anymore, since he chose not to share the details of the Domino sting with him. Even though there was no directive from the top preventing him from being read in, Gibbs hadn't trusted him.

In fact, Gibbs had told Abby about the sting, but not him, and everyone knew that Abby couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. Let's face it; her behaviour had been a dead giveaway that something big was going on. Everyone was talking about it and the so-called excuse about not wanting to tip Lee off because she had killed Langer and Gibbs was worried she was dangerous, was crap. Abby was in much more danger than he would have been. He had 12 years of law enforcement experience, and hello … he was one of the best in the biz when it came to undercover work. Apart from which, when they finally were read in, no one tipped her off, not even McGee who sucked at undercover or keeping secrets almost as much as Abby did.

And he'd been the last member of the team to get his place back after the team was split up. Gibbs hadn't even bothered to stay in contact with him. The one time he'd video-conferenced with his old boss in the four months he'd been exiled had been strictly case related, and even then he'd seemed uncomfortable. There hadn't even been an email to check on how he was doing even though Tony sent him a weekly how–ya-doing… well, until he realised that Gibbs didn't care how he was getting on and wouldn't bother answering his enquiries. He hadn't even said goodbye to him apart from a perfunctory, almost abrupt handshake in Jenny's outer office after her sham of a funeral.

It was clear to him that Gibbs still blamed him for Jenny's death, not that he blamed his boss at all since Tony blamed himself, too. And he had to face it; the mole had been his probie while Gibbs was down in Mexico busy growing a small furry animal on his upper lip, so he probably was angry that he'd never realised she was a traitor. If he had, then Brett Langer would still be alive. Gibbs was no doubt wishing that he still had him as his senior field agent, who was the epitome of a professional, and he knew for a fact that Gibbs never had to head slap Langer, either.

Well, it was long past time, but he knew when it was time to go. If his father had done nothing else for him, he'd taught him at an early age that he wasn't a keeper and that his destiny was to disappoint those closest to him. The very least he could do for his mentor was to read between the lines and leave before Gibbs was forced to fire him. He might not be all that smart (and Senior had been pretty vocal that he wasn't), even so, he could see the inevitable. Resolving to make a couple of phone calls tomorrow since it was Saturday and they'd been given the weekend off, he decided that he'd start afresh once again. He tried to figure out what persona he should adopt in his next job in light of the mess he'd made of his new personality, which clearly wasn't a goer. Too exhausted to keep his eyes open anymore he fell into an unhappy, troubled sleep.

Tony woke up next morning, wrung out like a wet dishcloth, but determined to see through the decisions he reached the night before. This had all happened because he'd forgotten an immutable truth that he'd learned the hard way when he was 12. He was fundamentally flawed, enough that his own father felt compelled to disown him and ship him off to RIMA and you don't get much more flawed than that when a parent is supposed to love their kid unconditionally. Ergo, he was such a obnoxious kid that his own flesh and blood couldn't wait to get rid of him. Add his ex-fiancé, Wendy, to the mix, who'd dumped him the night before the wedding and, well, that sure makes a lasting impression.

There was no point in kidding himself that he was a good person, but he was a damned good actor, and could at least pretend to be normal, hide his flaws, make people like him. At least for a while, but because it wasn't real, he just had to move on to the next gig (like any good actor, really) before anyone discovered his secret. And likewise, he could pretend to be the playboy, the life of the party, and the consummate lover who would give all of the women who went out with him such a good time that they never had the opportunity to see any of the flaws.

Then before he wore out his welcome, Tony would break off his relationships or hand in his resignation and pick up and move on to the next town or woman. Until he forgot all the rules when he came to DC and ended up staying way too long. Here he'd stayed much longer than the obligatory two-year stint, and his flaws had become glaringly obvious to everyone that was important to him. Even worse, he'd let himself fall in love again and he ended up hurting a wonderful person when she learnt who he really was. Hell, even he didn't know who he was.

Picking up the phone, he dialled resolutely. "Hi, Sir, it's Anthony DiNozzo; I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk? You do? That's great. Just wondering if you meant what you said the last time we talked?"

End Notes:

As per my usual practice here is a list of Ziva-isms used in the chapter:

bluey points = brownie points, genius is… one percent inspiration and 99 percent respiration = 99 percent perspiration, bumbling newsters = bumbling newbies, one downing them = one upping them, pulling a lead out of thick air = puling a lead out of thin air, twiddling their pinkies = twiddle their thumbs, wouldn't sit for it = wouldn't stand for it, back into Gibbs' happy books = back into Gibbs' good books, barnstorm ideas = brainstorm ideas, was a hoot point = was a moot point, suck down on Gibbs = suck up to Gibbs, bearing the grunt of his temper = bearing the brunt of his temper, shot his guppy = shot his puppy.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Just a quick thanks to everyone for the support and interest that you've shown in this humble story. The amount of alerts, reviews and favs have been gratifying so I'm guessing that others were as irritated as me by that line that was simply left hanging - yet again. Anyhoo I'm admitting to a degree of trepidation about this one since it isn't a '_Gibbs is a warm and fuzzy papa bear 't_ype of chapter but then again, I don't actually see him in that way. Nor is it a '_Gibbs has a damned good reason for acting like an ass and he's trying to teach DiNozzo some valuable lesson which is obscure but well -intentioned'_ type of chapter, either because frankly I don't believe that. This is a '_Gibbs has a serious anger management issue along with a sense of entitlement, not to mention serious lack of insight'_ sort of chapter. After watching his less than admirable behaviour in a rerun of season eight episode Two Faced the other night when his double B behaviour was clearly apparent I decided that it is a no-brainer why Tim and Ziva don't respect the Chain of Command or their SFA. Seeing him encourage them to disobey Barrett, who technically was lead agent on the case, and seeing his own disrespect for her, made it more a question of why the heck wouldn't they? During the scene in interrogation when he intimidated her into relinquishing up her chair in the presence of the suspect, it had me praying that she'd win the confrontation even though I knew it was a lay-down misere. that he would emerge on top. Darn it!

This chapter hasn't been beta'ed although it s been proofed by my house guest up here for the Easter long weekend. Happy Easter for those people who observe the holiday and kiddies don't eat too many chocolate eggs, bunnies or chockie bilbies :) More fireworks next chapter.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 3

Gibbs sat in the soothing silence of his basement, interspersing the hush against the gently sibilant sigh of his rhythmic sanding which he'd learnt to match to his breathing for maximum effect. He liked to think the time spent sanding his boat was akin to a form of deep contemplation. And with the added benefit that he didn't have to get togged up in those fancy-ass pyjamas either.

He loved working the wood, shaping it to his will, creating something of beauty out of an insensate lump of lumber. Something which could, in theory when she was finished, could sail him across the oceans to the farthest reaches of the earth. Fanciful…quite possibly, since he was a workaholic, not to say a bad tempered, unimaginative bastard according to his ex-wives but a guy could dream, couldn't he?

The truth was that working on the boat was pretty much the only thing that helped him remain sane. The elegant, pleasing lines of his girl pacified his angry soul in a way that nothing else could and helped him to focus. It also helped him to forget all the ugliness that was such a big part of his job. Especially after this particular case, which pressed all his hot trigger buttons: a dead wife of a serving Marine, a shattered husband and a motherless little boy. So how could he not be reminded of his own losses and drive himself and the team to find the animal that destroyed that poor family? Now, he sanded the graceful curve of the ribs that he'd had worked upon so diligently, gazing at her lovingly. She was immeasurable strength coupled with classic style and he thanked his lucky stars daily for his beautiful lady.

He didn't know how he would have gotten through the last couple of days without her to come home to. Unlike any of his ex-wives or girlfriends, she didn't demand more from him than he was prepared to give. She didn't whine, pout that his job meant more to him than she did. Didn't insist that they talk about their relationship and his feelings for her, or ask dumb ass questions about why he couldn't hurry up and finish his girl so she could take them sailing on the weekend or suggest that it would be quicker if he used power tools. She never cheated on him with his best friend or attacked him with sporting equipment when she got pissed with him for being an insensitive jerk. Yeah, with the obvious exception of Shannon, of course, Jethro felt that his boat had been the most faithful companion he'd ever had a relationship with.

After several hours of communing with his special lady he finally felt calm enough to consider the issue of DiNozzo. He'd come so close on this last case to committing justifiable DiNozzicide. He was used to his SFA being the perpetual frat boy but this time he went too damned far with his joke. He had always been an attention whore, ever since he first met him back in Baltimore he'd sought out Jethro's approval and hated it when the junior team members earned Gibbs' praise or notice.

But damn it, during this case DiNozzo had truly outdone himself in a breathtaking example of narcissism when for some unfathomable reason he decided to stop being a team player, just about killing himself trying to solve the case all on his own. He'd pretended to act mature and ended up cutting off the normal parry and thrust of observations and information for them to all feed off which was the hallmark of the MCRT's success. Totally focused on trying to solve the whole damned case alone, no doubt so he got so he got all the kudos to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. He'd pissed him off big time and Ziva and McGee didn't appreciate the SFA trying to show them up either. The tension in the bull pen was unbearable as a result.

He also noted that DiNozzo didn't have his partner's sixes in the bull pen on this case, and Elf Lord especially, had fallen apart just because he'd understandably gotten a little hot under the collar. Screw it, DiNozzo was supposed to look after the juniors and shield them from his occasion excesses of anger but he'd been too busy showboating with his stupid psych profiles and compiling of multiple suspect lists. McGee had collapsed into a stuttering, stammering wreck, looking for all the world like a scared virgin in a brothel and froze up like he used to when he'd first joined the team. And no amount of head slaps would get him back on track and focused.

Gibbs didn't know what DiNozzo's problem was… well apart from the obvious! But things had been rocky for a while now on the team and he figured he was gonna have to take him into the ring and kick his butt to force him to get his head on straight. He relied on DiNozzo to have his back and he couldn't put up with the crap that he had pulled during this last case. DiNozzo needed to pull his head out of his ass or he'd make him sorry. Honestly, he wasn't sure what had crawled up his butt but it better stop. NOW!

He was probably still sulking, now he come to think of it because Gibbs hadn't seen fit to read him in on the Domino plan. The bastard had dared to get up in his face and lecture him about trust on the team when he'd been deceiving him for months on end over Jeanne Benoit and her arms dealer daddy. All the while his supposedly trustworthy 2IC was getting a little too friendly with his first protégé Jen Shepard, and conspiring together like a pair of children to keep him outta the loop. DiNozzo needed to get over himself and learn to suck it up.

Gibbs team – Gibbs rules! He was making sure his team stayed safe. Not his fault that they ended up injured just because Ziva and DiNozzo couldn't follow simple orders such as Do Not Engage!

Realising that it was almost New Year's Eve Jethro supposed DiNozzo might also have been bummed off because of Christmas. He asked Gibbs, like he did every damned year, to watch that dumb, sappy Christmas movie up in MTAC and like every other time he'd asked him before, Jethro blew him off. God the man was clueless, could he not get it through his thick skull that Gibbs had no intention of doing Christmas?

Well if that was what his problem was, it was about time he grew up or Gibbs would whoop his ass. He went to a Hell of a lot of trouble to get the clown back from the Sea Hawk but days like to day he couldn't think of a single reason why he'd bothered.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Gibbs walked into the bull pen fresh after a weekend spent with his ladylove. His muscles might be a little on the stiff and sore side, after a marathon stint sanding but it was good kinda sore and his mind felt calm and clear. Ready and able to sort out DiNozzo and whip him back into shape. Actually his palm was itching to deliver several well placed head slaps and sort him out so that the team got back on track. Stopping, he noticed that DiNozzo hadn't arrived yet despite the fact that both McGee and Ziva were sitting at their desks looking productive, even if in truth, they were just checking out their emails.

Looking over at his desk, his saw a curious sight on the previously empty surface he'd cleared off before he left for the weekend. There was a rather large and expensive bottle of A. H. Hirsch Reserve bourbon replete with a huge red bow and a card attached. Wondering who it was from, he thought it would probably be an attempt by DiNozzo to apologise for his outrageous behaviour last week. Did he really think Gibbs could be bought off so easily?

Peering at the card without his glasses, because there wasn't anything wrong with his eyesight, he realised belatedly, it was from his old boss.

_Dear Jethro,_

_I guess this is part commiseration, part consolation. Your loss is definitely our gain. I can't believe he finally accepted my offer. Don't drink it all at once,_

_Your friend_

_Tom Morrow._

Trying to decipher the rather cryptic nature of the message, he groaned as his phone rang and Leon's assistant pertly informed him that his presence was required in the director's office ASAP. Just peachy, as DiNozzo would say. God he missed Tom Morrow!

When he entered the office, Vance shoved a letter and two files into his hands and chewed on his damned dumb ass toothpick while Gibbs struggled to read the letter., although he didn't need glasses since there was nothing wrong with his eyesight.

Glaring ferociously, he barked. "What the Hell do you call this, a joke? If so it's a piss poor one, Leon."

Scowling back the Director responded, "Absolutely not. It's exactly what it appears. DiNozzo's resignation, effective immediately and one of those two files is your new agent. McGee will be promoted to SFA. He did exceptionally well in cyber-crimes and more than deserves his promotion. Choose a probie."

"You've got to be outta your tree, Vance. 1. I'd eat the Elf Lord for breakfast on a good day just like I did last week. He might be ready to be a SFA but he's not ready to be my SFA because I'll chew him up and spit him out within a couple of minutes. Look at my record before DiNozzo took the job. And 2. I don't need a new SFA or even a probie cuz I'm not accepting his resignation, effective anytime! I can't believe anyone would be moronic enough to even entertain the thought."

"Careful Gibbs, you're skating perilously close to insubordination right about now." Vance warned. "And it doesn't matter if you accept his resignation or not. I'm the Director of this agency, not you. You made such a damn fuss about how the team couldn't function without him, so I allowed you to bring him back against my better judgement, but it was clearly a mistake. He failed to follow orders during Domino and he almost blew the Op and then last week, you can't say that the team functioned well with all the screaming and yelling and tension that was going on in the bullpen. It was an unbearable atmosphere for anyone to work, a toxic workplace not just for your team but for everyone else who works down there too."

Gibbs couldn't believe what a fool their new director was. He'd had a real set against DiNozzo from the get-go and he was just itching to get rid of him. By not keeping a tight enough rein on his team, he'd played into Vance's hands and he was going to make it damned difficult to fix this FUBAR. What the Hell was DiNozzo thinking? Was he outta his mind or was it an attention seeking ploy. Damn him, he was way too high maintenance. He reminded him of his ex-wives, Diane and Stephanie who always wanted him to pay attention to them, clingy, needy, driving him to drink.

If DiNozzo wasn't such an outstanding agent, not to mention the only one that he trusted to be his senior field agent, to watch his six in the field and in the bull pen too, he'd call his damned bluff to teach him a lesson. But he couldn't afford to lose him so he needed to track him down and drag him back where he belonged. And more importantly, he needed to do it before Abby got wind or his ass was toast.

Flying down the stairs to give the team instructions to get their paper work in order so he could find DiNozzo, he looked at the extremely expensive bottle of bourbon and he froze, finally connecting the dots.

God Damn It! Morrow had poached his senior field agent and if he thought he was going to get away with it he had another thing coming. Roaring out of the Navy Yard he drove like a lunatic down to the Homeland Security Building, demanding to see AD Thomas Morrow right now!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Well I have to say I've been totally overwhelmed by the response that this humble little piece has generated . Just a reminder that this is not a HEA sort of story. The best I can do is to offer all you fans of warm and fuzzy stories is ambiguity. Thank-you to everyone who dropped by to read and review, alert and fave. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Next one is DiNozzo driven.

Once again this chapter isn't beta'ed, just proofed. All errors are my bad.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 4

Evidently Tom was expecting him since he had a fresh cup of coffee sitting, waiting for him on his desk. Seeing Gibbs bemused expression he admitted, " I had Mac from security let me know when you went storming out of the building."

Feeling the betrayal wash over him, he scowled at the former Director of NCIS. "Damn you ,Tom. I want him back and I want him back ,now. What the Hell have you done with him?"

"He's not here, Jethro. He's at a security conference. He needs some time and some space and he's definitely not ready to talk to you yet. If I had my way, Hell would freeze over before you get to see him again. You broke him and I'm doing my best to try to put him back together again," Tom cautioned his former agent.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was synonymous with pig-headed and he'd known that Gibbs was not going to take this lying down. Sighing at the thought of the coming confrontation, he tried to tell himself that his short term pain was definitely worth the gain of having this skirmish. Besides, someone sure owed it to Tony to step up and tell Gibbs a few home truths, even if was too damned little, too damned late to fix anything.

Glaring at him, said stubborn individual cursed his former boss. "Don't talk crap. DiNozzo's not broken; he just gets off track once in a way. Nothing a good head slap and a couple of hours on the mats with me won't cure to get him refocused. Can't treat him nice, he hates it."

"Oh trust me when I say he's broken Jethro. I haven't seen him for a while, well not since the last time I tried to get him to sign on with Homeland and now the man is a shadow of himself. He rang me over the weekend and asked me if I'd give him a job. Said he was prepared to start at the bottom if I'd have him. What the Hell have you people been doing to him?" He shook his head disgustedly before renewing his attack.

"Couldn't believe it when I told him I wanted him to head up his own team. I've had him on my radar ever since you lit out to Mexico and left him with a pile of crap while you and that old reprobate Mike Franks pickled your livers and brains on the beach. Course I'd always been impressed with him when he belonged to me but I still kept my eye on him after I left. That kid with his combination of investigative abilities and undercover skills, is a once in a life time find. I can't believe you and Vance let him go!"

"Damn you Tom, I didn't let DiNozzo go, you stole him off me and I'm going to get him back," Gibbs ground out; his anger evident.

Tom shot him a sad look. "Believe what you must Gibbs but I've been trying to entice him to leave the MCRT for the last three years, ever since you came back and dumped his stuff on his old desk with nary a word of warning or thanks but he's always refused to leave until now. He says he waited too long, that he should have gone a long time ago but that since you don't trust him any longer it was only a matter of time before you got rid of him. So he thought he 'd save you the trouble." He picked up his own coffee and took a gulp, then another one.

"Although he told me he'd lost your trust, he wouldn't say much frankly, but like I say, I've made it my business to watch him closely over the years. The crap he copped for working for that crazy assed Jen Shepard after you left, the shit from you and the team dished out to him when you found out, the fact that you never supported him in the team as your 2IC and let the junior agents, well in truth one of them was actually Mossad, think that it was perfectly fine to disrespect both the position and the individual. That all reflects badly on you as his superior, Gibbs."

He could see that the NCIS agent was ropable but he wasn't done. "The scuttlebutt around the traps was that Leon Vance decided to punish Tony for Shepard's decision to commit suicide by dirt bag in the desert, and that you blamed him too. And well, he was the last one allowed back on the team after that mess with the mole who wasn't really the mole. Totally seeing why he thinks you don't trust him anymore and add to it, the dogs' breakfast you and Vance made out of the Domino affair. Not exactly a sign of confidence in your SFA who was actually team lead at one point and deserved to be read in on that basis alone. He's more than earned the right but it was all about punishing him, wasn't it?

He's also the same guy who at great personal risk to himself, saved you butt and your daughter's friend's life too, after you tried your damndest to kill her." He looked at the man who was such an amazing investigator and yet had helped turn one of the most gifted young agents he'd ever seen into a dispirited shell of his former self.

"Tony didn't say much at all about his reasons for leaving but he did say that you and Ducky said he was narcissistic and likened him to a serial killer. Have to say that's rich coming from you since you epitomise narcissism in all its glory Mr-Follow-My-50-Rules-Or-Else-But-Don't- Expect- Me- To- Follow-Them-As I'm-Your -Boss-And -Can-Do-As-I-Damn-Well-Please .Then a few days ago, behind his back again, you said he needed an attitude adjustment for Christmas - that was pretty damned crappy, even for you." The former director looked disgusted, especially since Gibbs looked truculent rather than remorseful.

"But like the loyal second he is he tried to change to please you, nearly killing himself, giving you a robot who didn't make a noise , joke or muck around." Morrow continued. "I suspect it must have been just like when he was a kid and was forced to act like a mini adult instead of a real boy. He said that even when he changed everything about himself to try to please you; it just made you even angrier, that he couldn't do a thing right. He said that was when he knew he'd worn out his welcome."

Shaking his head in disgust he asked, "What's that saying? Be care what you wish for? Well DiNozzo got an attitude adjustment alright and he looked at everything afresh and finally figured out it was time he move on."

"Oh for the love of Mike, give me strength Tom," Gibbs exploded. "DiNozzo's my loyal Saint Bernard. He knows I often get a bit pissed off and say things I don't mean or I pull his leg but he's not some little pouty kid. That wouldn't make him leave," He asserted angrily. Gibbs pulled out his cell phone and tried to call DiNozzo but it had been disconnected. Slamming his phone shut he glared at his former boss. "You Can't Have Him," he growled with deadly intensity.

Shrugging, Morrow appeared unthreatened. "Well when Tony returns from the security conference in Montreal at the end of the week, we'll leave it up to him shall we? If he wants to talk to you, he can call. Meanwhile, how is that boat of yours going, Gibbs? Is it finished yet?"

Regarding Morrow warily because of the abrupt change of topic caught him by surprise, he responded grudgingly. "Still workin' on it."

"So I would be right in saying that the choice of lumber matters in boat building?" Tom asked innocently.

Gibbs rolled his eyes, "Ya think, Tom? Course it matters. Pick a wood that is too inflexible and it'll snap under pressure in a storm and choose one that's too soft and it will bend and warp. And if you choose the wrong one it can be difficult to work with so that you don't enjoy shaping the wood. Ya gotta find a wood that you love working with because when you are doing everything by hand you have to love it since it takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears to build." He regarded the Assistant Director of Homeland Security curiously.

"Why are you asking Tom? You're not thinking of building a boat?" Gibbs enquired, sort of sensing an ambush but curious nevertheless.

Tom Morrow laughed, his close cropped poll shining in the harsh artificial office lighting, giving the impression that Morrow shined his head every morning. "Hardly Jethro, I think that my wife would definitely divorce me if I did. I'm just trying my best to understand. You have infinite patience when it comes to shaping the wood, spending literally hundreds of hours sanding every single plank silky smooth. Then when it comes to children you encounter in your investigations, you are kind and tolerant. Long suffering even, yet when it comes to making a little bit of time and effort, spending just a few minutes giving Tony a scant few words of thanks or praise, you baulk, preferring to spend all your free time with your boat. I'm just trying to figure it out, is all."

"Don't have time to waste on people that need their hands held, Tom. DiNozzo's hard work, insecure, constantly wants my attention.

And yet if he was a boat or a little boy that was hurting you'd happily supply it."

Not a boat! Not a little boy, not hurting and like I told ya, he hates it when I'm nice to him.

Maybe he does but that's only because he's not used to people treating him with kindness and so he doesn't think he's worth it. So that's no excuse… if anything it's even more of a reason why he needs kindliness, especially from you, since he's never had it before and needs to learn how to accept it. If you find a knot in the wood, it might take a lot more effort to sand it smooth but it needs more sanding, not less. Neglect begets neglect; and that young man has been neglected his whole life by too many people that should have been looking out for his interests. You brought him to DC and that made you responsible for his welfare. You told him "Ya don't waste good" but that's exactly what you've been doing. Makes you no damned better than his parents, in my book."

Ignoring Gibbs proliferation of expletives, he continued placidly, "And you're wrong, Jethro. He is hurting, he has been hurting for a long time, he just has been taught that showing his hurts equates to showing that he is weak. God forbid that he show that weakness to you. I'm certain that any half-ways competent psychologist would agree that children who grow up neglected tend to have their emotional development stunted or to use the current psychobabble, it arrests their development. There's a good reason why you think of Tony as your loyal Saint Bernard, since emotionally he's like a big puppy but even a Saint Bernard can get their feelings hurt."

"I bet you were a great dad, Gibbs. Did you tell your daughter that she was special, brilliant, and all round wonderful? That she could grow up to be anything that she wanted… of course you did. YOU were a loving, conscientious father."

Gibbs scowled, prickly beyond measure at Morrow daring to talk about Kelly. "What the Hell's your point, Tom?" His tone making it clear they'd entered dangerous territory.

"You're a gifted investigator; I'll let you figure it out. But I'll say this, if I had someone of Tony's calibre on my team who hadn't been told that he was special or loved then I'd want to make damned sure he knew it."

"Trust me Tom, DiNozzo knows that I think he's the best young agent I've ever worked with."

"How, Jethro? How would he know? You ever bothered to actually tell him that to his face? You told McGee in front of everyone in the bull pen that he was a good agent when you left ,and not to let anyone tell him otherwise. Tony… you could only spare two words. You'll do – two miserable, mealy-mouthed words – could you spare them? Have you ever actually told him – said the actual words?"

"Well… no but he knows. I wouldn't keep him on the team if I didn't."

"Ah yes, the ultimate compliment from the emotionally constipated and elective mute. If I deign to keep them around that is tantamount to a whole boxful of commendations and medals. They should be overwhelmed with gratitude by Leroy Jethro Gibbs' largesse in keeping them near, so they are within his orbit and can bask in his reflected glory and brilliance. Except… well clearly you're not getting the message across, because he was convinced that you were going to get rid of him since he's a screw up, so I'd have to say he has no idea that you think he is good. Quite the contrary, in fact." His former boss gazed at the senior special agent, wondering how anyone could be that dense and still work for a federal law enforcement agency.

"How the devil is he supposed to know? You hardly ever praise him and when you do it's always accompanied by a sarcastic little dig to undermine any praise you might dole out, oh so grudgingly. I'll never forget that momentous occasion when the Almighty All-Powerful Gibbs lowered himself to tell DiNozzo he was irreplaceable. You know, I thought he was going to burst with pride when you told him that, and then you had to be a prick and burst his bubble by telling McGee he couldn't have his desk after all because he was still alive. Imagine if Kelly's boss had done that to her if she was alive and returning from an attempt on her life? You'd go ballistic, probably kill the jerk but somehow it's funny when you do it, especially to someone that has never had a secure loving home life, who'd been neglected and abused by a pair of addicts."

He stood up and walked around the desk indicating their meeting had concluded. Holding out his hand to Gibbs he shook his hand perfunctorily . "Bye Gibbs, nice catching up but I've gotta get to a meeting. Good-luck with your boat, I sure it will be a masterpiece," He stated with heavy irony. When Gibbs didn't move he put his hand on his arm and hustled him to the door.

Gibbs glared at him, "Not going to let him go, ya know."

Tom shook his head, sadly. "Shame that it's too little too late. You've had eight years to act. Even the most cowed of working dogs will finally slink off and look for a new master after putting up with years of abuse. And now I'm going give him a damned good home. Always did want a kid!"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Wow what a lot of support this story seems to have generated. So many alerts, reviews and people faving not to mention the amount of hits it attracted. Hi there to all the lurkers who are reading along too :) Two more chapters to go after this one - one from Gibbs' perspective and the final one features Abby and Ducky.

Once again, this is proofed not beta'ed so any errors are my bad.

I''m adding this note to alert you to a story I came across last night but which has been taken down and moved because someone complained it was a crossover. which it isn't since the cast of both groups need to be present and interact. This is a fusion piece IMHO after checking out the definitions. Regardless it is a great story and deserves to be read but is unlikely to be found i lolling n the crossover section where it's been moved to. If you want to have a really good laugh go and read it at s/10295827/1/Wizard-of-NCIS. by moonstone glows.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 5

Anthony DiNozzo stood by the baggage carousel at J.F.K Airport waiting for his luggage to appear, musing about the life changing events that had occurred over the last seven days. It had been a tumultuous week for sure and he was really grateful for Tom Morrow for chucking him a much needed lifeline when he'd been drowning. Sending him away to the security conference in Montreal with their NATO allies had been a godsend too. It gave him a welcome change of scenery and a chance to regain his balance as he tried to figure out who Anthony DiNozzo was going to become in this newest incarnation at Homeland Security.

He'd totally surprised himself by expressing his doubts about who he should be and how he should conduct himself to Morrow. He guessed it must be because he'd been his boss before, because he usually wasn't that honest with his superiors. Chatty sure, but not given to actually baring his soul although he was pretty vulnerable at the time. Morrow had listened to him, scowled and advised him to be himself – that he would find his feet naturally. He'd pointed out that Tony wouldn't need to protect anyone from an bad-tempered boss or have to relieve the pressure any longer.

His words had struck a chord, although the former NCIS agent still felt anxious. "You're always going have a lively sense of humour Tony, but I suspect that you won't feel compelled to be quite so hyper. That said, Son, I don't want you to become a mindless drone or as you would say a MIB, I want you to keep your playful nature. There are enough automatons around here – I need your creativity and unique way of looking at cases, so don't be in too much of a hurry to change everything. You can end up throwing out the baby with the bathwater. I think Billy Joel's Just the Way You Are should become your new signature song," His old/new boss smirked.

The fact that Morrow had told him that he was good enough already and backed it up by hiring him and to his astonishment, given him his own team had made him feel a little less of a failure. He just hoped that he didn't ever let him down. Now ,here he was in New York, supposedly to familiarise himself with the personnel in the New York office and help investigate a potential terrorist cell operating at NYU. The plan was for him to go undercover as a visiting professor to assess the threat. The hidden agenda was that Tom also wanted him to check out a Homeland agent – Heather James - to see if he wanted her on his team and offer her a job.

DiNozzo k new that when he returned to DC, that he'd have to face Gibbs who was demanding to see him, and he figured that Abby was going to want a piece of his ass too. Honestly, Tony hadn't intended to leave without saying good-bye to her but Tom had really wanted him to attend the NATO gabfest and had thrown him right in the deep end. He'd barely had time to pack a bag and get his Homeland Security creds sorted before he'd been bundled on the plane to Canada.

Truthfully, he'd expected to have to give notice and work out his two weeks at NCIS but Morrow had pulled strings and no doubt Vance had been ecstatic to see the last of him. Leon was definitely not his BFF for some reason – well apart from getting Jenny killed, of course. What did surprise him however was that Gibbs had been livid and confronted Tom when he'd been informed of Tony's resignation.

Frankly, he was shocked that Gibbs had reacted that way because it was clear to Tony that he no longer trusted him or was happy with his performance. Still, thinking about it, Gibbs as the ultimate alpha male had obviously felt that he was challenging his authority by leaving the team without his permission. Tony sighed; it was just one more indication that where Gibbs and the team were concerned he just couldn't do anything right. Obviously, he was expected to expose his soft underbelly as a sign of supplication, perhaps bare his neck submissively for his former uber alpha boss to rip out before slinking off with his tail between his legs. Clearly he wasn't going to be permitted to leave with even a shred of his self-respect intact.

As much as he would prefer to avoid a confrontation with Gibbs, he knew the man well enough to know that he wouldn't give up and fade away into the background. And he couldn't avoid him forever; the law enforcement community in DC wasn't that huge, so they were bound to run into each other at some point in time. They might even have to work together so he didn't have much choice but get it over and done with. Hopefully he'd be satisfied by simply chewing on his balls and not feel the need to rip 'em off. Maybe by the time he headed back to DC Gibbs would have cooled off a bit. _Yeah and pigs would sprout gossamer wings and fly, Anthony!_

Collecting his gear, he hopped on the train to head into Manhattan, finding it an odd feeling to be back in New York again. With his luck, he would probably run into his old man who would if he learnt about Tony's latest change of jobs, smile smugly, nod and say '_I told you you were a screw up, Junior'._ Deliberately thrusting all thoughts of his sperm donor out of his head, he decided to grab a coffee, hoping that it would settle his sense of discomfort. Perhaps though, it wasn't going to go away, not until he had confronted Gibbs and taken his lumps as Ducky would say.

Even as he mulled over the situation he was going to be facing on his arrival back home in DC, he was also still assessing his current environment and checking out the people that were around him. He'd been a federal agent for eight years and he hadn't been a beat cop for several years prior to that, but no matter what skills and training he acquired subsequently, the awareness he developed in those early days on the streets had always stayed with him. He might not possess Gibbs' infallible gut but his intuition hadn't ever let him down. He'd only ever slipped up when he discounted or ignored it and right now his sixth sense was telling him something bad was about to go down.

For some reason he kept coming back to a young mother with a fractious toddler who seemed very anxious. Abandoning his bags for the time being beside the security guard, he flashed his creds at him, asking him to keep an eye on them, the federal agent felt compelled to wander over and check her out. Assessing her carefully, he estimated she was in her late twenties, possibly early thirties and the kid was still in diapers. He seemed upset but was responding normally to the woman so he discounted the possibility she had kidnapped him.

Although he couldn't rule out a custody dispute, especially since they didn't appear to have any luggage and that was suspicious. And the way she kept looking around like someone was after them, that also fitted in with that scenario too but as Tony grew closer, he saw that she was wearing heavy facial makeup to try to disguise an ugly black eye and facial bruising. Looking at the woman's left hand, it looked swollen and discoloured and Tony would bet his mother's trust fund that it was fractured.

Okay, so looking less like a kidnapping by the minute, more like a case of domestic violence. Something which was, unfortunately, bread and butter to a former beat cop. He continued to assess the area for potential threats. When the woman rose from the row of seats she'd been resting on, Tony wondered if he'd spooked her, until he realised a muscle bound thirty-something 5 foot 10 white male was following her. Now his intuition was literally jumping up and down, screaming at him to do something and he picked up the pace. He arrived in time to hear the heavily muscled hulk, snarl as he grabbed the woman roughly and spun her around to face him.

"I told you that you could run but you couldn't hide Susanna." He threatened her viciously. "I'll always find you and drag you back home by your hair if I have to, you useless slag and I swear that if you ever try to take my son away again, you'll wish you…"

As Tony drew parallel with the pair he interrupted. "Excuse me Ma'am, is everything alright here?"

The muscle-bound hulk had his hand around the woman's slim bicep, squeezing her harshly and he scowled at Tony's intervention. The out-of- control fury was extremely obvious to the federal agent. This guy was as dangerous as cobra and probably a damn sight less intelligent.

"Is this the pretty-boy you've been cheating on me with, you worthless whore?" He spat at the woman.

And Tony saw hints of unbridled lunacy in the Neanderthal's eyes that boded ill for all concerned. In slow motion – _oh how clichéd was that ,Anthony - _he saw him pull a wickedly serrated knife out of a scabbard on his belt. Knowing his intuition had been right on the money, the former cop barrelled hard into the young woman, still carrying her son in her arms. He knocked her cleanly out of the way before her asshole of a partner/ husband could stab her, as was clearly his intention.

Tony, like any good cop, knew that in any violent domestic relationship, the most dangerous period of time for the battered partner was in the hours directly following her escape from her abuser. It was when the vast majority of these fatalities occurred and this guy was crazy violent. If Tony needed any more proof that the statistics he'd had drummed into at the Police Academy and his sixth sense were correct, then he figured fact that the knife that had been intended to kill the young mother was now protruding from his chest, should fit the bill. Strangely enough, Tony thought bemusedly, it really didn't hurt all that much. Probably because of the violent influx of adrenaline now flooding his system and as he drew his pistol, he was grateful that the little boy was probably too young to remember seeing him shoot down and killed his mother's loser deadbeat partner who in all likelihood was also his father.

Not wasting time with a nonlethal shot, since Tony didn't think he would have enough time left to take a second one; he aimed straight for the bastard's aorta. Even though he was beginning to lose consciousness, he was still an excellent shot and he snorted - it was also point blank range. Tony knew he wouldn't miss, that was one thing that Gibbs had drilled into him. He was determined that the woman and her son whose names' he didn't know and more than likely never would, would now be able live out their lives without the fear of being attacked anymore. As he lost consciousness, the last thing he saw was the asshole collapse and he heard people begin shrieking.

Guess he wasn't going to have to meet with Gibbs after all. His former boss was going to be so pissed that he wouldn't have a chance to tear him a new one for resigning without holding himself available for an ass lickin' but them's the breaks, he supposed. Still, Tony shouldn't be too surprised really; since he was never able to do anything without disappointing the guy he'd tried in vain to make proud for all those years. Why should his dying be any different?

End Notes:

No I don't have a death wish so no character deaths occur in this fiction.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Here is the second last instalment of this humble tag and I hope that you all enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who has supported this by following, reviewing, faving or simply reading. I never dreamed it would capture people's imaginations the way that it has. Briefly to address some of your comments: LAG0802 - no that phrase came from my fevered brain, I'm afraid, Joanne the lurker - I am honoured to hear from one of the silent majority and I hope the ending doesn't disappoint. And Smooth Doggie - I'm afraid I can't claim ownership of the phrase sperm donor, it is an oft used tag by those of us that can remember Senior post beatification season 7. He's the sleaze that told his son he''d end up in the gutter, that DiNozzo men didn't cry, faint, show weakness etc., who disowned his motherless 12 year old son and sent him to a Military Academy...but I digress. And for people to know if Gibbs is still Tony's proxy, the answer is no but you will need to wait til the last chapter to find out who is.

This chapter like the last few is proofed but not beta'ed. Fear not, Arress is back on board for the last one :) I have since spent considerable time tinkering with this, so there may be boo boos, sorry! And as a side note for people who are fed up with Tony's position as SFA being usurped constantly there is a poll on the NCIS website you might like to vote in. It asks who should be in charge when Gibbs is absent. - McGee or Tony? There is some indication it has been hijacked by the forces of darkness who are furious with Michael Weatherly not supporting their TIVA fantasies and decided to get revenge by trashing him. The link to the poll is on my profile page or PM and I'll send it to you. Time for the silent majority to express their disgust with the failure to observe chain of command. and also defeat the forces of evil :))

This is another shout out to moonstone glow's wonderful parody the Wizard of NCIS where it is languishing on the crossover list of NCIS and Wizard of Oz despite it not being a crossover . It is impossible to locate this piece unless you know to actually go looking for it. You can find it here - s/10295827/1/Wizard-of-NCIS So very sad that the actions of individuals who feel they should berate people for what they perceive as the terrible sin of wrongly classifying stories has driven this story off our list where many more people could get the health giving benefits of a great big belly laugh. So go and check it out. And let's not even start on stories where the universe may be *alternative.*

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 6

Gibbs was sitting at his desk, glaring at everyone that came within a twenty foot radius of his desk. Of course the rest of the office had quickly learnt to avoid the twenty foot exclusion zone and gave the MCRT bullpen an even wider berth than usual. Well except for McGee and Ziva, obviously. Their desks were inside the exclusion zone, so they were constantly in the firing line, much to their irritation. This last week had definitely been the longest week that anyone could remember and the rumour mill was running rampant about the absence of one Very Special Anthony DiNozzo. Some said he'd been fired or gone to work for the CIA or Homeland Security, but Gibbs insisted he was on leave and threatened anyone with castration who he caught gossiping about his senior field agent.

Meanwhile, Abbs was alternating between busting his ass for making Tony resign and collapsing into paroxysms of tears, snot and drippy mascara. Most of the time she was refusing to talk to him and was only giving him forensic reports via email instead of face to face briefings. Even worse, she was reporting her findings (verbal and written) only in scientific mumbo-jumbo, necessitating either Ducky or McGee translating everything for him and as neither of them was known for their brevity or succinctness, it was a particularly cruel and unusual punishment. He was barely hanging on til week's end when DiNozzo would be back and he could go around, pick the lock on his apartment and talk some sense into him.

Cursing loudly when his cell phone rang, he scowled fiercely when he saw the number that appeared on the screen. Standing up and heading towards the stairwell where it afforded a degree of privacy, he answered tersely.

"When are ya going let me talk to my senior field agent, Tom?" He demanded, not bothering with preliminaries.

Tom Morrow sighed audibly. "Jethro, I'm afraid Tony won't be able to speak with you. He's been…"

"Damn it Tom, it's not up to you. I will drag him back here and I will talk to him and nothing you can say or do will stop me," he yelled, extremely frustrated.

"… and he was injured in New York and is now in a coma," The Assistant Director of Homeland Security finished speaking, his affect despondent as he ignored Gibbs irrational outburst. Gibbs figured he was used to his outburst until he registered the words 'injured' and 'coma.'

"What? What did you say? What the Hell did you do to him, Morrow?"

"What do they say about once a cop, Jethro? He was protecting a battered wife and her 16 month old son from her abusive husband trying to flee the relationship. Witnesses say the bastard tried to kill his wife, Susanna Curtis and Tony stepped in front of her, knocking her and her child out of the way and ended up getting stabbed in the heart in her stead. They lost him twice on the operating table, he suffered a stroke and lapsed into a coma. They aren't optimistic that he will even regain consciou…"

Any further information went unheeded as the phone slipped from Gibbs' nerveless hand, clattering on the concrete as it bounced down the steps to the landing below. He felt a terrible sense of deja-vu harking back to the time when he'd been deployed as a sniper in Iraq during Desert Storm and had been informed that his precious Shannon and Kelly had been murdered.

Déjà vu that forced him to remember all the times he'd had to have the last word in disagreements between Shan and himself. Plus he could also play the 'I'm not gonna talk to you since I'm holding a grudge' game after an argument like a pro, something which used to drive his sainted wife to distraction. Subsequently, she'd always been the one to mend fences because she couldn't bear to go to bed while they were still arguing. Once she and Kelly were gone, he realised how stupidly childish it was to waste even a minute of a day trying to be right constantly, instead of using the time telling them how much they truly meant to him.

Life was far too fleeting and impermanent not to make the most of every single last second and ensure that the people most important to you knew that they were cherished and appreciated. You'd think that he would have learnt that lesson the hard way but it seemed not. People always assumed that Shannon and Kelly's death had made him the bastard he was now but that was simply not true. He'd always been a bad tempered SOB. It was just that after he lost his girls he no longer cared about who he offended anymore. Grief just exacerbated his natural tendencies, and he no longer felt the need to censure his anger, probably because he'd lost his filter. Truth be told, he'd gotten a whole lotta perverse satisfaction in pissing off other people. It felt damn good!

And it wasn't as if he didn't have just cause to be an angry kid who'd grown up to be an equally angry guy. He'd grown up in a lame-ass, one horse town where the popular kids had picked on him without mercy and he'd lost his beloved mother when he was a 14 year old kid. He wasn't interested in going to college, didn't get along with his old man and he had no intention of working in the mines which was why he'd joined up. The Marine Corp was his ticket out of the shitty provincial backwater town of Stillwater and he leapt at the chance.

In return he'd gallantly defended his country, serving with distinction, considering it an honour and a cheap price to pay in return for escaping his parochial existence. But while he was deployed, Shannon had witnessed a murder and he wasn't there to protect them and they'd been killed. He figured that he'd earned the right to be angry and like anything else that Jethro pursued, he did so with an unfailing obsession and due diligence. His enthusiasm for his new persona helped to distract him from facing the truth that his successful quest for vengeance against Hernandez hadn't been able to quell his fury and pain. So instead, the bastard with two Bs for boorish bastard was born.

It seemed to Gibbs now that he hadn't bothered to learn from his past and to make the most of time, instead he'd become addicted over the years to acting petulant and outrageously. Even those around him who were his nearest and dearest were in the firing line as he'd rapidly become a law unto himself. In the last eight years especially, he'd delighting in having DiNozzo there on his on his team as his whipping boy. Knowing full well that his friend and second was desperate to win his approval and Jethro savoured the power he'd wielded, in mostly withholding it.

Denying it to him amused Gibbs and made him feel so damned powerful. Sometimes though, he would relent just a little, offering a wry compliment sandwiched between a stinging put down or a sarcastic insult; knowing full well it would rob the praise of much its power since it would never do for DiNozzo to get too cocksure or complacent. It would defeat the purpose of having his loyal Saint Bernard following him around, hungry to please. He justified it when called on his behaviour by declaring DiNozzo was that good that he had higher expectations of what his agent was capable of and so he pushed him more than everyone else, which sounded like a great excuse. As was the line that he didn't want him to become arrogant and overconfident but the reality was Tony was far too insecure, not to mention a consummate professional for it to occur. Then there was the old chestnut that DiNozzo didn't like him being nice as he'd told Morrow, which effectively gave him carte blanche to treat him like a pile of shit. Tom was the only person who had the guts to call him on that one.

And he admitted to himself, today at least, that he'd been even more vicious than normal with him in the last couple of years, even seeing how the rest of the team had taken their cues from him and acted accordingly. He'd left the team and returned, then left a second time before coming back, which had made him feel weak and indecisive which led to him usurping the position he'd bestowed on Tony, albeit it by damning him with the faintest of praise. He'd retaken it, in the most humiliating public fashion possible, returning again without prior warning that he was going to resume his role as SSA, meaning DiNozzo found out at the exact same time as the Mossad liaison officer and the barely junior agent and after anyone else who was already in the bullpen that morning. The implicit message that he took away from that was he wasn't important enough to rate the consideration of being informed privately.

This of course had been Gibbs intention, despite the bullpen scuttlebutt that had excused his behaviour as being because of his head injury and memory loss. Another theory in the peanut gallery was that he was a clueless, socially inept bastard and he had atrocious people skills. Although that was certainly the truth, his takeover had been utterly calculated to affect a bloodless coup and was intended to cause harm and distract from his own temporary weaknesses. The unanticipated gleeful, almost vicious reaction of Ziver and the Elf Lord to DiNozzo's fall from grace, metaphorically and literally, had been an unexpected benefit for Gibbs. One he nevertheless accepted with open arms, since it would have been foolish not to have taken advantage of any or all advantages.

Then afterwards, he'd set about achieving his single minded goal of putting DiNozzo firmly back in his place as his beta. That required his behaviour to become even more extreme and brutal in order to remind the temporary leader of his place as second banana. Unfortunately, he'd gone way too far, treating him like a rabid dog and tacitly allowing the rest of the team to do so, too. Since he thrived upon positive reinforcement and social interaction with the people he had formed strong bonds with, the regime of ridicule and ostracising by the team and inevitably other field agents had been a little like using electric shock collar on an eager to please working dog.

Yet when he'd found out that his trusty SFA had fooled him, successfully managing to carry out a year-long undercover mission involving Rene Benoit for Jen while working full-time on the MCRT without any of them realising, it had been a bitter pill for him to swallow. He'd felt belittled, marginalised and made to look foolish by his former protégé and his current one, an unaccustomed experience for the supremely self-confident Marine. So it shouldn't have come as a surprising to anyone that he'd made damn sure Tony suffered his wrath. No one got the better of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, not without paying dearly for the privilege.

Later, when he'd almost gotten Kelly's best friend killed and Tony had come to their rescue, it had been another harsh blow to his ego, perhaps another indication that he hadn't recovered from his amnesia completely as he'd always maintained. Since it was his modus operandi whenever he felt belittled or inadequate, he made sure those around him paid the price for those feelings, especially DiNozzo who'd been responsible for stepping in and saving both their lives. He was a constant reminder to Gibbs that he'd screwed the pooch royally and he found it an untenable position to be in as team leader.

Add in the mess of Jen's where her incompetence from their last special ops mission had ended up catching up with her after her failure to make her kill in Paris, that had been difficult for him to accept since he was her mentor and was responsible for her actions. Her decision to go all out in a blaze of glory instead of a whimper in a hospital bed, had been damn selfish and pissed him off. DiNozzo got shipped off to sea as agent afloat because of it and after he was finally transferred back to DC again, he'd been furious with Gibbs keeping him in the dark about the Domino debacle. It had perpetuated the ill-will and tension simmering between them both while Jethro continuing to insist the subterfuge was due to safety concerns resulted in their relationship becoming even more strained. Still, Gibbs ignored it, refusing to acknowledge that there was a problem that required fixing.

Gibbs was supremely confident in the knowledge that Tony would always come crawling back, looking for his approval in the end. He just had to wait him out and deny him all forms of the currency the former cop craved. His capacity to forgive and forget was legendary – hard as it was for someone like Jethro to comprehend since Gibbs didn't do forgiveness, as his long running feud with Jackson Gibbs demonstrated. Nevertheless he did demand forgiveness from his agents, especially his long suffering senior field agent who was expected to deal with his constant tantrums and unreasonable anger and afterwards, to simply shrug it off. Tony was the epitome of forgiveness – it was as immutable as Vance chewing on a toothpick or Abby wearing mini skirts, chains and downing Caff-pow daily.

Even with Tony's impulsive resignation, he'd been supremely confident he could talk him around. He always could manage him with a half-assed apology in the shape of a cup of coffee or a pizza or when it was a really serious transgression, the promise of cowboy steaks and an invitation to spend an evening with him one-on-one in the basement.

So his resignation pointed to his boss having to do some pretty damned serious grovelling – well grovel Gibbs-style - since he didn't apologise, and it suggested that he had some significant fence mending on the horizon. That said he knew once he talked to DiNozzo, his characteristic desire to win Gibbs' approval would reassert itself and permit him to manipulate the former cop into forgiving him. He'd then be able to convince him to return to the team.

Now though, his plans had turned to dust. Gibbs faced the terrifying realisation that he might not be able to fix things between them this time. And more importantly, that he had left it too long and lost any chance to give DiNozzo what he'd wanted and needed for the longest time. The knowledge that Gibbs was proud of him and cared about him was what he'd always hungered for. Not a lot to ask of a person yet he'd miserly held back his approval as if he was somehow better than the man who craved it.

Yes, you'd think he out of anyone should have learnt how precious a gift time really was and not to waste a moment of it. He'd had more than seven years, (less time he'd spent in Mexico or when DiNozzo was afloat) but still plenty of time to let Tony know what his friendship, respect and loyalty meant to him. Yet he was so busy playing childish mind games, utterly confident he could fix things between them if and when it suited him, merely by deigning to grace Tony with his oh so valuable attention.

Well it seemed like the universe had decided some major ass whooping was in order; that his arrogance made it necessary to reminded him that time was too short for his psychological manipulating and BS. That no one, not even him was ever truly Master of their own destiny, no matter how much they might delude themselves otherwise. He could beg Tony's forgiveness til he was blue in the face but if the doctors were right, then he would never be granted his chance at absolution.

Praying to his wife and daughter, because ever since their death he'd refused to believe in a God that would take them away, Leroy Jethro Gibbs – second B for bastard - beseeched them to send Tony back. Vowing that he would never again take the people he cared about for granted. He hoped that he would get chance to beg DiNozzo's forgiveness even if his gut was telling him otherwise. And he didn't even want to think about the guilt that Abby was going to be feeling for telling Tony about his pathetic comment about his attitude, if he were never to wake up. One stupid, cruel comment uttered without thought to its ability to cause harm but it just may have succeeded in destroying a life, no correction, multiple lives.

Tony didn't deserve any of this; it couldn't really have happen again, could it? Not when he saving an innocent life, that wasn't fair. He deserved so much more. But then again Shannon and Kelly didn't deserve to die either and yet they had still been taken from him. He more than anyone, should have known that bad things happened to good people all the time.

Tony wasn't the one who needed an attitude adjustment and yet the fates were going to demand him as the sacrificial lamb required for Gibbs to achieve something that was long overdue.

Resolute, he knew what he needed to do. Yesterday's Gibbs would storm the barricades, arrogantly and order him not to die, but that was before he broke things so badly that he no longer had that right. Today's Gibbs wasn't too proud to beg.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Lets start with an apology since I am not Gibbs :) I had this chapter ready to upload over ten days ago but my computer tragically died. Finally I was dragged kicking and screaming to a new one with the latest Windows 8.1 which I hate. It's going to take me ages to familiarise myself with it. And I have an urgent work project that needs to be started immediately so no time to play around and get to know it beforehand. Anyway enough whining, the upside of not having a computer was not being able to work so I ended up catching up on my writing (the old fashioned way with a pen) and got quite a lot done. I finished a rough draft of Rising to the Bait, wrote a chapter that was missing from my Angel Paula series, plus almost finished another Angel Cate chapter, and ended up writing some additional chapters for Be Careful What What You Wish For and also worked on the next chapter of An Eye. Now I need to find time to type it all up lol. So the good news is that this was supposed to be the last chapter but there are at least two additional chapters ,I think. I was planning to leave the ending open but decided to put everyone out of their misery. Hope you enjoy :)

Thanks to Arress for Beta-ing this chapter. Any errors are my bad. Thanks for the reviews, favs and alerts, I never expected so many. To the guest who asked whether MW was leaving because of the way his character has been treated on the show I can only say that I hadn't heard that. Although I can see why he might not feel like his character has been given story lines that match his considerable acting ability. His talents haven't been well utilised IMHO but here's hoping that will change.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 8

Dr Donald Mallard had received a phone call from Director Vance requesting that he make his way down to Ms. Scuito's laboratory and render medical assistance. According to Leon, Abigail had barricaded herself in her office and was refusing to respond to anyone, and since Gibbs wasn't available, the director was hoping the medical examiner could talk the emotionally fraught forensic scientist down off the ledge. Of course, Ducky was cynical enough to suspect that their most pragmatic leader, Director Vance, was more concerned with the state of play regarding forensic evidence than the emotional and mental health of their forensic virtuoso. Normally Gibbs, or in lieu of his presence, young Anthony, were the ones who were best placed to handle Abigail when she was in such a state. The pair, for all intents and purposes, were acknowledged experts in the role of Goth Whisperer, but then again, neither of them were here now to fulfil their highly specialised role.

Jethro had taken off like a bolt out of the blue when Thomas Morrow had called to tell him about the tragic situation with Anthony. He'd flown up to New York to attend the hospital following the brutal attack upon their former senior field agent's life. And of course, the reason why he wasn't there was also the reason for Abigail's meltdown, as she depended upon Gibbs to be her emotion rock in times of crisis. Arriving at the door of the lab, Ducky found a crowd of people, all standing around trying to get into the lab to comfort the forensic scientist. Somehow, one of the most brilliant of forensic minds had managed to train the entire staff into cosseting and spoiling her like some fragile hothouse orchid, but it seemed that not even Caff-Pows were enticing her out today.

Frowning, Ducky spoke to the mob, "I think that it would be prudent if everybody return to their department or desk and give us a little privacy. I'm sure everything will be fine, ladies and gentlemen," The medical examiner noted that all but his assistant, James Palmer, Officer Ziva David and Special Agent McGee melted away silently.

Her forehead furrowed, Ziva placed her hand on Ducky's arm. "What is going on with Abby, Ducky? And why has Gibbs disappeared in such a _county_? Do you know where he went?" She demanded in her typically imperious fashion, which Ducky surmised some time ago was one she probably considered to be caring and sharing, since empathetic wasn't something that had been featured on the Mossad extra-curricular.

Ducky patted her shoulder, quickly deciding to put them off rather than filling them in since he wasn't sure exactly what was going on at this stage. Had Abigail just gone off the deep end because of Anthony's accident and Gibbs refusal to take her with him to New York? Much to her fury, he'd declined to wait long enough for Vance to organise a replacement for her, since there was evidence pending on cases. Of course, since she and not Gibbs was now his medical proxy and had been ever since Domino occurred some weeks before, it was understandable that she'd gone off the deep end at being prevented from going up there. Vance forcing her to fulfil the role via fax and video hook-up rather than in person had seemed especially hard-hearted. Ducky wondered if he really couldn't organise a replacement for her until tomorrow or he was just making her pay for Gibbs taking off without leave. Of course it was possible, he concluded, that Abigail had received more bad news in the interim.

"I really don't know what's going on, my dear." He temporized. "Why don't you all return to work, too, and I'll see what I can discover,"

He shooed them all off, with an eloquent glance at Mr. Palmer to indicate he would fill him in later, and waited until they all disappeared into the lift. Taking out his phone, he dialled Abby's number and when she answered he asked her to let him in. Hearing the door release, he entered, surprised to see that Abby was standing there staring at him with a terrified expression.

"Has there been any more word, Ducky?" She whispered brokenly.

"I'm afraid not, dear. I take it you haven't heard anything either?" Ducky enquired as the Goth disappeared back into her office, which was swathed in darkness and he heard her sniffling as she started crying. Ducky placed his arms around her comfortingly. "This isn't like you, dear Abigail. You must not lose hope. While there is life there is hope, child."

"I haven't, Ducky. I know that if there is the slightest chance, Tony will take it, so until we know for sure, I'm going to hold onto hope."

"Then I don't understand what this breakdown is all about, Abigail." Ducky asked gently, feeling confused by her reaction.

"I destroyed the team, Ducky. I'm the reason that Tony is lying in a hospital in a coma in New York right now and the team has been shattered."

"Abigail, that isn't true, you didn't stab Anthony."

"No, but I am the reason he left NCIS. If I hadn't told him that Gibbs said that he needed an attitude adjustment for Christmas, he would never have resigned."

Ducky snorted indelicately. "I don't see how you can blame yourself for the uncouth behaviour of Jethro, my dear. How is that your fault?"

"Because, Ducky… I told him, not because I thought he should know, but because I couldn't deal with the fact that Gibbs, my Silver Fox, the man who can move mountains and is all-knowing and powerful; the person who is perfect in every way is nothing more than a myth, that my fantasy Gibbs said what he said in the first place. I've built him up to be a God, Ducky, a mythical magical creature who knows when my babies have something for him, even before I can call him. Whose gut is all knowing and where Gibbs is never, ever wrong. And when he said such a horrible, mean thing about Tony and it was Christmas time, I couldn't deal with it because it was like he slapped me in the face with meanness and vitriol."

She rocked back and forth, her arms wrapped completely around her torso and Ducky knew she was trying to self soothe as she took a breath before continuing. "You know, I don't like sarcasm and it was like he was forcing me to confront how much of a mean-spirited individual he was being. I didn't want to face the truth that he's simply human like the rest of us, with the same faults and frailties, and because I didn't want to have to face that truth I went to the one person who always puts me back together again, no matter what. But I never thought about how much it would hurt him."

She stood up and took a photo of Gibbs off her wall – a poster sized picture of him head slapping Tony out in the field for some undoubtedly minor infraction, Ducky thought. Taking it over to a shallow metal dish, the Goth poured some chemical from her lab over it before which seconds later he realised was flammable, as she ignited the photo which burned in a combination of white hot and bright blue flames, until it consumed the picture and all that was left was blackened ash.

"Ah, my dear, Abigail, I understand that you are angry at Jethro…"

"I didn't burn the photo because I am angry at him, Ducky… well, I am angry, but that's not why I did it. It's time for me to stop acting like a child and pretending that Gibbs is going to make everything magically better. I'm not a little girl; I'm a mature intelligent woman with a bunch of degrees and diplomas in forensics. Who can kill someone without leaving a trace, yet, I went running to Tony when Gibbs upset my view of him as being perfect. You know, he took me home and let me cry on his shoulder all night and took care of me, and I didn't give a thought to the fact that no one was going to look after him. He does such an awesome job of looking after everyone, but who looks after him? He's never had that, and yet not only does he not have a chip on his shoulder, but he never expects anything from any of us."

Ducky felt himself becoming uncomfortable as Abby vented. He felt a prickly feeling that he knew was his conscience. He, too, had been remiss in his own dealings with young Anthony. Apparently, his young friend had found out that he and Jethro had been joking about him, likening him to a serial killer they were investigating who was a poster child for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Probably why he didn't transfer his medical proxy to the medical examiner, which was totally understandable, he concluded.

Apart from that inexcusable lapse, he'd been less than supportive of the young agent when he'd taken over from Gibbs several years ago. Instead of encouraging him and defending him to the rest of the team, he'd been consumed by his own anger at his old friend for leaving the way that he did. And the irony was that Anthony had some innovations that Ducky had found to be very positive, like his campfires and burning CDs so that Abigail, himself and young Mr. Palmer could stay in the loop.

Jethro was of the school of thought that information must be hoarded like gold and doled out sparingly by him with a miserly regard, because knowledge was power. He'd always used it to foster the mystique that Abby and the rest of his team were mesmerised by. Anthony's style of leadership on the other hand, was much more collaborative and egalitarian, and frankly Ducky found that it was far less exhausting.

"Quite true, my dear child. But you know that while Jethro has obviously played a part in our young man's decision to move on to a job where his talents would be better appreciated, we are not without blame either, even you and I. When Jethro left us all, we were all so busy falling apart and lashing out like a bunch of developmentally immature children, we all made Anthony's life a misery, each in our own way. I was so angry with my old friend that I wasn't there for our new leader in any meaningful way when you young 'uns turned on him.

"Indeed, I was perfectly happy to use him to take out my anger on, and I wasn't the only one. He couldn't win – if he did something like Gibbs, you pilloried him for being a wanna-be, but when he tried to be his own man – you mocked him for being big headed and thinking he was better than Gibbs. Timothy and Ziva questioned his orders and didn't give of their best, you slapped a trainee sticker on him, and yet your own behaviour was hardly professional, collapsing into tears several times a day."

He gazed at Abby as she flushed crimson and tears leaked out from under her eyelashes. "Tell me, my dear," He pressed. "Why didn't you ever feel the need to whack a trainee sticker on young Timothy, too? If anything, he as an agent that was barely out of his probationary period and not actually eligible to serve as a senior field agent because of his lack of field and investigative experience, was a far more likely a candidate. Apart from Tony's wealth of investigative experience which added up to over a decade in law enforcement as part of his role as SFA, his duties and training involved preparing him to lead the team when the SSA was unavailable. Anthony was more than prepared and capable to lead the team, both in Jethro's absence when he was indisposed and after he left and he received his promotion. Yet Timothy had no such experience or training to step into the role of SFA, and frankly, he should never have been asked to take on the promotion since he didn't possess the prerequisite skills."

Abby looked shocked. "I… I… I never thought about it that way, Ducky. And me having Gibbs' photos plastered all around the lab and begging him to get Gibbs back constantly. That must have been horrible for him, and yet he took such good care of us all and we trashed him and his feelings. You're right, we are all to blame – how we blamed him when we found out what he'd been doing for Jenny, how we teased him when Gibbs came back. We are horrible people, Ducky. Horrible! I don't blame him for leaving."

"Unkind, juvenile, unthinking perhaps but maybe horrible is a trifle too dramatic. An unfortunate conflagration of individual personalities, weaknesses and circumstances. Each of us eccentric, needy or afflicted with authority issues, all orbiting as tiny satellites around the gravitational pull of the charismatic leadership of Leroy Jethro Gibbs and failing to perform our own personal due diligence when it came to our professional roles. It has led us to this sad impasse, my dear. We all must accept responsibility for the consequences of our actions, I'm afraid."

Ducky looked at the forensic scientist, her woebegone features more than enough to melt a heart much harder than his own, but nevertheless knowing that it was a necessary and long overdue metamorphosis. Facing up to the truth that someone you have elevated to god-like status for years was simply a mere mortal like everyone else, was always going to be painful. Abby's realisation that her Silver Fox had feet of clay like the rest of them was an obligatory milestone of maturation, which he had to concede, was long overdue. Most individuals achieved it somewhere around the time that they realised that parents were imperfect, and that magical thinking was a vestige of cognitive immaturity.

Abigail never intended to hurt her friends and colleagues, but emotionally she was hard work, and perhaps they all were to blame. They frequently indulged the happy Goth more than was prudent instead of encouraging her to develop coping skills. Growing up was a painful process, even if you'd managed to delay it until your mid-thirties.

Sighing, he stood up and encouraged Abby to return to her lab since there were machines that had been beeping, indicating that tests awaited her attention. Promising to try to use his considerable contacts to gain a medical update, he headed off back to his own little fiefdom, feeling considerably older and colder. Even if they had a miracle, Ducky knew that nothing would ever be the same again…for any of them.

Endnotes:

Zivai-sm : And why has Gibbs disappeared in such a _county_? And why has Gibbs disappeared in such a state?


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you to everyone who left a review, alerted, favourited or just lurked. Also many thanks to Arress for the Beta and you all know the drill ... all mistakes are mine :) Here is the first of 2 bonus chapters so I do hope you like them. since it is always a crap shoot when you decide to add additional chapters. To the reviewer who observed that getting stabbed in the heart was a life threatening injury I would definitely agree with that observation. Although details differ, a relative recovered from a similar situation including having a stroke on the table during one of several open heart emergency surgeries over a period of days, so I know how miraculous such a recovery is.

Finally, I have chosen to answer a reviewer (anonymous of course) at the completion of this chapter as it is a long response and I figured that if you weren't interested you can skip it. Actually I wanted to address another issue too but this chapter and the author's note was too long to do so, so it will keep until the last chapter. Hope you enjoy :)

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 9

Tom Morrow sat at his desk, studying the personnel file of Special Agent Anthony D. DiNozzo, paying close attention to the medical reports that had been faxed to him yesterday. Despite the enormous odds against his young agent who had been in a coma for just over three weeks, he had astounded the medical community and woken up from a coma that the doctors felt may be permanent, almost six months ago. Of course such a traumatic assault to his brain due to a combination of oxygen deprivation and cerebral haemorrhage meant that he inevitably woke up with deficits, some of which it was becoming apparent, were permanent.

His motor deficits had been moderate, fine motor skills that had to be re-learnt, his coordination had been affected but like the gifted college athlete he'd been, he worked with tireless commitment with a physical therapist to improve his strength, muscle tone, coordination and his stamina. While he still had some ways to go before he was back to normal, he was making great strides every day and was fitter than many agents, even if he hadn't yet attained his own pre coma fitness levels. He worked with equal determination to regain his fine motor skills too, although initially he'd struggled, his frustration apparent to all with the slow progress despite his efforts. It had been a serendipitous event when the speech therapist had suggested he attend music therapy due to his moderate and intermittent expressive aphasia (his ability to speak fluently) being affected by the stroke.

His music therapist, Dana Strauss had cheered him up considerably with the discovery that he might have difficulty speaking and expressing himself at times, but he could sing fluently. His delight was matched by her own when she recommended that he might like to learn to play guitar as an aid to writing music and songs as an outlet for his emotions. She recommended channelling negative feelings such as grief, anger, fear and frustration into music as being very cathartic. When he casually mentioned that he could already play piano and guitar, or he could before the stroke, she had encouraged him to practise daily to regain his pre-stroke skills and pointed out that it would also assist him in regaining fine motor skills. After that, Tony had thrown himself into either working out or playing music. He ended up jamming with three other stroke survivors who were working with Dana too and after several months, they formed an R&B group and had become inseparable.

They called their group 'Strokin the Blues' and their bass guitarist Jema Jones had been a professional musician prior to her stroke at the tender age of 29, and following several years of intensive therapy she had now recovered enough to play again. Jema had even gotten them various gigs around DC in clubs where she's worked in the past and that helped them recover a great deal of confidence and independence. Tom had been blown away by Tony's musical abilities and he knew that the mob from NCIS had been dumbstruck. It had been a nasty little surprise to find that there was a least one part of the agent's life they'd worked with for years, who had such talent and they hadn't a clue. Yet having visited Tony at his apartment a couple of times since he had returned home from rehab, Tom wondered why Gibbs at the very least, hadn't wondered why the lad had a baby grand sitting in his living room.

Glancing at the flashing light on his desk, Tom flicked the intercom switch to on and spoke into the speaker, "Yes, Sharon?"

"Special Agent DiNozzo has arrived, Sir." His personal assistant announced in her chirpy '_isn't the world such a wonderful place' _manner.

"Good, send him in, please," He instructed her, closing Tony's file and slipping it into the top drawer of his desk. Standing up, he walked around the desk to greet Tony as he entered his office. Giving the young agent a gentle hug after approaching him as one might a half tame animal, he directed them over to his leather couch, knowing that Sharon would be appearing momentarily, with coffee for her boss and a cup of green tea for Tony. Over the last few months he had come to the realisation that while a part of the man craved physical intimacy and tactile stimulation, his trust issues made it difficult for him to accept displays of affection. Strangely enough, one of his perplexing complexities meant that he was perfectly fine in offering hugs and touches when it came to giving them to others but it was the receiving of them where he struggled mightily with acceptance.

"Sit Tony, it's great to see you. How did you go at the firing range, my boy?" He inquired innocently, not prepared to let Tony know that he had already had a report from his spies telling him that the agent had easily qualified, even though he had just been practising.

"Okay I think, Sir. Not sure if I'm back up to my usual scores yet but I did okay, I think. I should be able to requalify without too much drama," He said cautiously. Morrow sighed mentally. The caution was a new and not so welcome addition. It was too soon to know if it was reactive or due to the stroke, no doubt time would tell.

Tom looked at him and growled playfully, "What did I say about calling me Sir? It's Tom, remember. We've know each other for years." Seeing the look that crossed Tony's face, he cursed his thoughtlessness. "I wanted to have a chat because according to your medical reports you have been cleared to return to desk duty and you just need to requalify on the range which you already did today apparently. So… really the only thing that we are waiting on now is clearance from the shrinks and reading the last interim report from the psychologist, you've cleared most of the barriers to being signed off. I just wanted to make sure that you still want to come back to Homeland, Tony. I know Gibbs wants you to go back to work for him," Tom questioned him carefully.

He could see Tony's furrowed brow and he got a sinking feeling in his gut. "It's okay, Tony if you want to go back to them. You were only here for a week before you were injured. I understand that you might feel more secure back with your old team…they were your family… " He halted as he noticed Tony's look of distress accompanied by his hand held aloft, palm exposed, indicating that he wanted Morrow to stop.

"No, Sir um Tom. Uh…you don't understand. I don't want to go back to NCIS; I don't even remember them, anyway. Even with Gibbs, I have only vague memories of meeting in Baltimore where we worked a case with my old partner Danny Price," He stated, his features pained as he thought of his former partner Danny. That memory was still incredibly tender and although Morrow thought he was recalling his meeting with Gibbs, he was struck by his facial expression. It looked as if it was still incredibly raw, as if it occurred yesterday and his heart gave a lurch.

That was when Morrow realised, that for Tony; to all intents and purposes it probably was if it happened recently. One of the permanent deficits that were a result of the damage wrought by the stroke was that his memory for the last eight years had been wiped away completely and the year before that was also somewhat patchy too. At first Tony had been determined to regain his memories and refused to accept that the memory loss might be permanent. He'd driven himself crazy trying to remember, until eventually with a lot of support he'd finally grieved and come to an acceptance that his memories were gone, probably forever, since he had diffuse neuronal cell death in various spots in his brain.

According to the experts, while many areas of the brain carried some degree of redundancy that could be coaxed into being trained to perform tasks that they didn't normally do, memories that had been stored and destroyed were another matter entirely. Of course there was no way to know definitively if the neurons storing those eight to nine years were destroyed, in which case the memory loss was utterly permanent and there was nothing to be done. The second scenario was somewhat more hopeful, if the damaged neurons were those that gave him access to the memories and it was access to, not the memories themselves that were damaged. If that was the case then there remained a possibility that access may be rerouted and access to some or all the memories may be re-established. Even if that scenario came to pass, there was no way know when or if it might occur.

Finally accepting that the memories of up to 25 percent of his life had been erased, probably permanently, had sent Tony into a tailspin. His rehab team had bullied him into attending a support group for survivors of strokes to help him cope. Although initially resistant, (_sometime language was a woeful inadequate tool to quantify behaviour and attitudes_, Tom concluded wryly) after he'd caved in and attended the support group, he found it incredibly helpful. Along with his R&B ensemble, the survivors became an important factor in his social support, since the only person Tony remembered from DC, albeit it barely, was Gibbs and he seemed to be uncomfortable in his presence. Perhaps it was the intense need that seemed to ooze from the man's pores as he tried to rebuild a relationship with Tony.

"Are you positive, Tony? They all know you and want you." Tom questioned him gently. He really wanted Tony to stay at Homeland but it had to be his choice, not something he was coerced into doing.

"And that's the problem, um Tom. I don't remember them but they know me and have all these expectations about how I was and how I should be. You said that I had only worked here for a week before the attack and that means no one really knows me here, so it's no biggie that I don't remember them. But the people I used to work with keep saying things and looking at me like eager puppies. Hopeful, like I'll suddenly remember them and when I don't, then they look all crushed, like I've hurt them or let them down. I can't deal with their expectations and disappointment. I've had to come to terms with years of lost memories and decide to face the future instead mourning the past but they either can't or aren't willing to do the same."

Morrow nodded, he could understand where Tony was coming from. The whole gang from NCIS seemed to think that it was just a question of time and effort for him to regain his memories, although Ducky as a doctor was a realist and had to understand why that wasn't likely to happen. But the rest of the team just wanted everything to return to normal and Gibbs and Abby in particular, were so damned guilty that they'd do anything to entice him to return – _as if that would fix everything,_ Tom snorted cynically.

"Well Tony, as I told you before, Homeland is damned lucky that you decided to come to work for us. You're a Hell of a fine agent."

"Even if I can't remember being an agent, Sir?" His agent searched his face for comfort and reassurance that he still had a place and purpose after his exhaustive efforts to reclaim his life.

"All the things that make you an outstanding investigator, undercover operative and a leader are all still there, Tony. Much of it can be accessed by muscle or procedural memory, even if you don't have conscious recall. And the qualities you possess: your integrity, courage, intelligence, creativity, your empathy for victims and witnesses, your professionalism and your ability to make people talk to you, not to mention your awe inspiring ability to form informational networks, they are all present and undamaged. Your short term memory is fine and you have proven that you can form new memories. I know you're nervous lad, but I have absolute confidence that you'll do fine." Tom patted him on the shoulder in a fatherly fashion, his keen gaze taking in Tony's less than convinced visage.

"Look Kiddo, initially you'll be riding a desk but there is your team to build from the ground up and you need training in Homeland technologies, protocols and procedures, - so there's plenty to keep that active brain of yours busy. Plus you have to cosy up to the whole damn building - buddy up to the guys and charm your way into all the ladies' good books. Then when you're ready, we'll get you and your team out in the field. It will be fine Tony. We'll just take it slow but I know you and it's going to be a good thing."

Tony gave him an appreciative look that was tinged with cautious fondness. Although he didn't remember his former director and the current Assistant Director of Homeland Security, Tom had been there with him when he woke up in the hospital after he'd shocked everyone and started to regain consciousness. Over the coming weeks as he attacked his rehab and physical therapy, his occupational therapy, speech therapy, music therapy and psych appointments, Tom had hung around unassumingly in the background, providing him with gentle encouragement that was often a welcome respite to the frenetic and emotional encouragement that his former team mates seemed determined to provide.

Although he'd always been amused by DiNozzo's antics and he felt a genuine fondness for him that went well beyond the fact he diffused one Leroy Jethro Gibbs' infamous bad temper in the bullpen and was the glue that held the MCRT together - how could anyone not love the guy who could have chosen a much easier path in life? Morrow also experienced anger at his treatment after he'd left NCIS but Morrow's somewhat restrained temperament always tended to be overpowered by more charismatic personalities. Yet it had been just the panacea and gentle support that Tony was searching for as he struggled to reclaim his life. The former NCIS director really did mean what he'd said to Gibbs – he had always longed to be a father but never had the chance before. And Tony was damned easy to care about so Tom found his paternal side rising to the fore unbidden.

And it was that paternal side that was telling him that there was something else that was troubling his new agent. "Something else on your mind you want to talk about, Tony?" Morrow inquired gently. He offered him a second cup of tea that he'd quietly organised to be brewed freshly, even as he'd requested a second coffee for himself.

"My old team at NCIS…" he paused, obviously searching for the right words. "They… apologised to me for… their bad behaviour. They told me a whole lot of stuff that went down, bad stuff when I worked with them. Really cruel bullying stuff like when I was a kid at boarding school. Worse stuff than the hazing that I went through when I was at RIMA or the Police Academy, since they were supposed to be my own team." He finally stopped examining his shoes and made eye contact with his new boss. Morrow felt like someone had physically punched him in the guts when he saw the pain in DiNozzo's eyes. "I'm guessing this was the Cliffs Notes version? I mean the two junior agents David and McGee looked like someone was holding a gun to their heads to make them do it, so I gotta conclude that they were just scratching the surface?" He questioned uncertainly.

Tom smirked, "Good instincts, Tony. You put up with a heap of crap over the years that I'm sure that they neglected to mention or you would have gotten a fungal ear infection just working your way down the list… so yeah Cliffs Notes works well for me." This guy was still sharp as a tack and Morrow was proud that he could see beyond the crap. Yet… maybe he wasn't a parent but his 'make it better' instinct was screaming, and demanding that he do something. Looking closely at his agent … _wow six months ago when Tony was in a coma he never expected to be able to say that…_ he was looking extremely disconsolate. Awkwardly he moved closer to Tony and placed his hand on his shoulder.

Knowing he was taking a chance he said softly, "What's wrong, Son?"

Turning pain-filled eyes toward him, he asked softly, "What the Hell was wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, Tony. Why would you ask that?

"Well why else would I put up with that sort of abuse, Tom?"

Morrow for the second time that morning felt like someone punched him in the gut and it wasn't a pleasant experience. He did not see this one coming. Taking a deep breath he wondered what the Hell to say.

"You know Tony I often wondered that myself. I think that you are intensely loyal and caring for people you regard as important to you… as family but that you were never taught to demand those same things for yourself. You always cut everyone too much slack and they'd take advantage of your kind heart. I know you never liked to talk about your childhood, probably still don't but I think that you were so desperate to have a real family that you overlooked a lot of crap. Perhaps no one ever sat you down to explained to you that family - well functional families don't treat other members of their family like a pile of excrement."

"But there has to be something wrong with me, Tom. Danny was my frie… my former homicide partner and he betrayed me. That much I can remember, unfortunately, and Wendy left me the night before the wedding (although I can't remember that) and then I learn that just about everyone on the team has been treating me like a pile of crap. I must have been such a pathetic piece of loser shit. They obviously thought all they had to do was apologise and I'd come crawling back again, which," He said, looking at Tom intently, "You don't need to be concerned about. I'm not going back there!" He reassured his boss, proving that he may have lost a significant chunk of memory, but his ability to read other people tells hadn't been affected at all.

Morrow thought about the other consequence of his stroke that the neurologists thought permanent. Always slow to trust people, he had become almost pathologically so. Which wasn't such a bad trait per se for someone working at Homeland, but Tom worried that Tony would shy away from forming friendships, and that would be tragic for such a gregarious person. He was also much slower to forgive transgressions against him these days, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing either. It did nonetheless point to the fact that the stroke had changed him irrevocably, and that was a tragedy.

It was a wonder that he'd bonded with the other stroke survivors and his band, but the support group facilitator explained that it was different to forming relationships with regular people. That was because they all understood each other in a way that no one who hadn't gone through what they had could begin to imagine, it was like they spoke a foreign language and knew what each other felt and thought, and that made it much easier for Tony to trust them.

That didn't hold true for most individuals that he encountered though. It was definitely a siege mentality – an us versus them point of view, even if it wasn't a conscious one. Its purpose remained to protect him from being hurt, and Morrow knew that many people did indeed treat him differently when they discovered his history.

How ironic was it though that when Gibbs was ready to prostrate himself and beg for forgiveness from Tony, and deservedly so in Tom's humble opinion, Tony didn't even realise what an earth-shattering gesture he was being offered nor was he all that appreciative. The damage done to his memories of Jethro, never mind his darned stupid rules, combined with his processing of certain thoughts and emotions in the frontal cortex had subtly changed him. He was no longer the eager to please agent striving to impress cold, emotionally-constipated authority figures who ignored his efforts and welfare. Nor it would seem was he so ready to forgive them their wrong doings, either.

At the rehab centre, his first physical therapist had been cut straight from the same cloth as a Gibbs doppelganger, right down to the ex-military monosyllabic, praise-miserly approach. A guy who honestly believed that tough love was going to motivate his newest client. But Tony had been suspicious and noncompliant and basically refused to work with the jerk. He ended up working with a fairly inexperience young woman who was enamoured with movies and had a great laugh. Her gentle yet genuine praise seemed to motivate him and he started making rapid strides in progress in a short time after she took over his case.

Tony had been through yet another death defying life experience, and though it wasn't an encounter he'd survived unscathed, he had almost made it back to be able to resume a career he had been born to carry out. And that, frankly, was a miracle. Although Morrow couldn't help worrying about him, Tony had managed to find himself a new family, between his band mates and his survivors' support group. He'd even started a tentative relationship with Jema, the bass guitarist in their group, although both were keen to take it slow for the foreseeable future.

Now he stood at the precipice, poised to become the lead investigator of the newest team out of the DC office of Homeland Security. It was a stunning achievement in anyone's books, but given the hurdles that he'd been forced to overcome over his tumultuous life so far, Tom was inordinately proud to know him. He looked forward to working closely with Anthony DiNozzo for many years to come.

Authors Note: Apologies to readers who don't require a simple statement of fact to be justified in so much detail. I choose to ignore these people most of the time but sometimes you just have to make a stand against people who try to bully you into writing what is utter tosh. At University I was trained not to write something unless I could substantiate it and right now I'm in the mood to do just that. Feel free to skip this explanation if you like as it is lengthy. Unfortunately when people chose to leave anonymous comments that contain accusations authors have no other recourse except for A/Ns.

To the Anon reviewer – FYI to accuse me of character bashing because I wrote what was a basic statement of fact in incorrect - for it to be character bashing, what I said has to be unfounded. I can however, provide plenty of evidence to back up the statement that McGee should never been appointed as SFA when he had two years' experience as a field agent. First off there is a mandated amount of experience and education that a candidate must possess to be eligible for promotion to a supervisory position, which is longer than two years. Speak to various REAL LIFE law enforcement individuals and they will tell you that two years – one as a probationary agent, would not be anywhere near long enough for a cop/agent to develop the competencies required to be promoted to a supervisory role. It would never happen.

If you want to get into specifics about McGee's own behaviour before and during the time he served in the role, he provides ample demonstration he wasn't ready to assume the role and shows why the regulation exists. The first case the new MCRT worked, following his promotion was Remy Grant case where he was supposed to be a computer genius yet he didn't pick up that Grant had been framed, nor did he track down the money trail – either time actually. Having to deal with supervisory duties on top of his usual work was clearly too much, probably because he was too busy agitating. Even years later, in Bounce he never expressed any remorse for his part in convicting an innocent man or acknowledged any level of responsibility – spent most of the time acting insubordinately toward Tony, who was team lead. Clear signs of his immaturity in not to be able to separate his personal feelings from the job.

And one of the clear job duties of a SFA is to support their team leader at all times in whatever ways they require, which he clearly didn't fulfil since he should have quashed any rumblings or insubordination – not encouraged it. He even stood by and allowed Abby and Ziva to attack each other and he did nothing to stop it or reprimand them, again not fulfilling his duties as SFA.

He was still so green operationally, that when Gibbs was blown up on the Cape Fear, along with the other agent during Part 1 of Hiatus, he was unable to do his job processing the scene, which again was a sign of his lack of years on the job. Several weeks before that, he again showed his inexperience in Bait by turning up to the scene of the hostage siege wearing shoes that squeaked every time he moved. If they had been stalking armed suspects through say a warehouse, he could have given away his and other team members presence/position and could even gotten them killed or wounded. Not checking his own equipment before entering the field was a serious error of judgement and again a sign of his immaturity as a field agent. How could he be expected to supervise others and be responsible for their safety?

In Vanished, he let Abby "persuade" him into taking unneeded evidence samples because she was so convinced an alien had made the crop circle. I believe she promised to show him her new tattoo so he was nowhere near ready to take on a supervisory role where he held authority over other agents when he could be persuaded so easily to ignore procedure. Want more examples? I have many more I can supply from canon but this A/N is already far too long. Yet I am tired of people making claims that are patently wrong just because they like a character and are blind to reality. I will state again, an agent (and I don't care who it is) who has only two years of law enforcement FIELD experience, regardless of their educational background, IQ or where they got their degrees, is not considered competent to supervise and take on the heavy responsibility for the lives and welfare of other agents/ cops. If the team leader/ or superior was incapacitated or killed, it is the job of the SFA to step up and lead the team in the field and there is now way that anyone of such limited field experience could or should do that. This is how it is in the real life, and for damned good reasons. So I stand by my comment which was a simple statement of fact – not character bashing!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Thanks everyone for all the reviews, favs and alerts as usual plus the response to my overly long author' note including the PMs. This reviewer makes a habit of making similar comments on pretty much every story that is Tony centric including mine when they dare to suggest that Tim might be less than god-like perfection. And for the record Anon, the following chapter contains extrapolation of McGee's and the rest of the teams' response which is by definition, fiction but I'm willing and able, using canon to justify how I've written my characters in this chapter, indeed for any chapter. Just because I ignore you doesn't mean I can't back up what I write.

Finally, this is definitely the last chapter of this little story and I hope you enjoy it. I see one of Tony's biggest flaws as his readiness to forgive abusive treatment from friends and family and the only way that I could see him not falling back into that behaviour trait was the spiritual death if you like, of Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. I also couldn't resist giving one of my new favourite characters a voice in this chapter since he has been conspicuously absent until now. I must also give an enormous shout out to Arress for all her hard work as Beta and my writing buddy. She makes what can be a very lonely hobby great fun. I've tweaked this chapter a fair bit so any faux pas are my bad.

As mentioned last chapter, I have a response to a second reviewer at the end of the story that I wrote last chapter but decided to hold over until this one so for everyone that sent such supportive reviews and messages re my A/N bless you and know this second one was written prior to your messages of support. Know I am very appreciative and that goes double for the trusty Sundance crew. Sorry the A/N is so lengthy but feel free to skip it and I'll see some of you soon for Rising to the Bait and An Eye for an Eye.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 10

Nine months after Anthony DiNozzo's stroke:

Tom Morrow spied the bespectacled figure of Jimmy Palmer, Ducky's assistant and soon to be medical intern, sitting at a table with an empty seat. He also noted with a degree of satisfaction that there were quite a few personnel from Homeland Security in the audience of Ultramarine's Club, including two of Tony's new agents – Christopher Turlington and Heather James. Nodding to various people he knew, Morrow made his way to Jimmy's table, drink in hand.

"Do you mind if I join you, Jimmy?" He grinned as Jimmy gulped nervously, speechlessly shaking his head which Tom took to mean he didn't mind. When he parked his butt down on the chair, Jimmy looked so horrified he decided he might have made a mistake about his intention though.

They sat together silently listening as 'Strokin' the Blues' went through the first set of songs, consisting of their regular opening set. Later on tonight they were going to debut a new set that they'd been hard at work perfecting for several months now. One was an original song that Tony had written about his coma and journey back and there was another that was a collaboration. Jema had composed the music for it and Tony the lyrics, so the ensemble were quite nervous about performing them for the first time. Tom had promised Tony that he would come down and give them moral support.

He was pleased to see so many of Tony's colleagues had shown up as well. Tony was very popular with his co-workers, which wasn't surprising. His team all loved working with him. Tom had noticed, however, that he held himself back from connecting with anyone on anything more than a professional level. He still wasn't sure if it was a result of brain damage from the stroke or simply some sort of defence mechanism to protect himself because of the memory loss, which had been a difficult loss to come to terms with. The other possibility was it was the consequence of finding out that those people he worked with and had been told that he'd considered were family had treated him so poorly. He was still polite to his former team mates from NCIS, but only saw them occasionally, usually at their urging. It seemed Jimmy was the exception to that rule.

"Glad you could come to support him tonight, Jimmy."

"I'm happy to, Sir. Tony's a really good guy and I'm glad to see him doing so well. To be brutally honest, I didn't expect him to make it back given such a poor prognosis. He's done amazingly well. I know that the others are all disappointed that he's different now, but I don't care. Even if he doesn't remember me, he's still a great guy." He looked pensive.

"Actually, I'm kinda used to people not paying me much mind – and besides, I owe him." He confided. "He was so kind and supportive to me after that business with Michelle Lee, and really he always treated me as someone who had worth even if I wasn't a special agent." He suddenly seemed aware of who he was conversing with.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Sir. Dr. Mallard reckons that I suffer from verbis fluxus," He babbled nervously. Seeing Morrow's confused expression he chuckled. "Well that's the Latin form, sometimes he uses its common medical term. Perhaps you might be familiar with it. Logorrhea?" He quizzed.

Tom shook his head, "Sorry Jimmy I have no idea what either term means, but I hope it isn't a serious condition."

The young man that went by a variety of monikers, but missed Black Lung and Gremlin most of all, chuckled even more. "Dr. Mallard would say that it is very serious, Sir, although it's commonly referred to as verbal diarrhoea."

Morrow chuckled. "I see. Well, don't worry about it, m'boy. It's actually rather refreshing to have someone forget who I am." And endearing, he finished silently. "Besides, I'm grateful to you for caring enough to forge a new friendship with Tony. Perhaps because you are prepared to let the past go and look to the future, or maybe it's because you don't have any regrets about what your old friendship was like," He mused. "It's good for him to have friends apart from his rehab buddies. He doesn't trust people easily any more, I'm afraid.

Palmer looked wistful. "He never did, he was always a really friendly guy, ready to help anyone who was hurt or in trouble, but he didn't make friends easily. I know what you mean though, he's even more guarded and suspicious about people's motives than ever, though you'd need to have known him before all of this happened to tell the difference."

He hesitated, seeming to be having a heated mental debate before apparently deciding to speak up.

"I'm really glad that you've been looking out for him, Sir. Agent Gibbs used to do that when I first started out at NCIS, even if his way of showing he cared totally sucked, but before Tony was hurt, he'd gone out of his way to make Tony's life a misery. Even if he doesn't remember it, I do." His thin good-natured features turned uncharacteristically sour as he contemplated the past. "And even if Tony doesn't say it, he's grateful for your support and I know he's fond of you. His eyes get a little sparkle when he talks to me about what you've done for him or he mentions something you've said. I think you really helped in his recovery." Jimmy finished up, embarrassed.

Morrow felt a little ill at ease himself with the topic of conversation, but nonetheless happy to hear that Tony appreciated his rather bumbling efforts to support him. He was trying to be a father figure to a man who had no experience in being a son, yet he had no experience as a father. As far as he was concerned, Tony's father didn't count, having dealt with the objectionable cur when he'd had the misfortune of notifying him of his son's life-threatening injury. So Jimmy's assessment was reassuring to say the least.

Changing the subject since both men were somewhat uncomfortable with the topic, he grinned roguishly." So, tell me about what's going on back at the old place, Jimmy. Is Abby still not talking to Gibbs? Does the MCRT have its fourth agent, or is Gibbs still insisting that Tony will return?"

Jimmy heaved a sigh of relief and chuckled nervously. "Yeah, they're talking again, but Abby's different around him these days. It's like he's a friend and co-worker, but none of the _Gibbs walks on water and can do no _wrong stuff anymore. Not her surrogate dad either, y'know? It's hinky, but at least McGee and Dr. Mallard don't have to interpret her forensic reports, which is a good thing all round." He chuckled again.

"Oh, and Gibbs picked a Probie and she's a Tony clone. She's a former cop and always cracking jokes – I like her!" He finished up defiantly.

Tom raised an eyebrow. "I take it the others don't?"

"Mmm – more like they are always trying to slap her down because she's _just a cop_."

Tom nodded sagely. "Ah, I see. So, competition is still very fierce on the team?"

"I'd say worse than ever, if that's possible. Ziva is peeved that the director appointed McGee as senior field agent instead of her. Says she is much better qualified and either undermines him or bosses him around. McGee hates Cameron because even though Trina's still a Probie, she's worked in Vice in New York and she shoots better than he does. Oh, and she's pretty dang handy with a computer, too, although not in Tim's league, so of course she's not like Tony in that regard." He concluded his account thoughtfully, before noting Morrow's sardonic smile.

"What, did I say something stupid?"

Tom shook his head, "No, it's just that when it was only Tony and Gibbs, who do you think did the basic run of the mill stuff like computer searches and basic tech work for the MCRT?"

"Um… I guess I just thought it was Abby, Sir."

"Well, yes, she did all the complex stuff, but she has plenty of other forensic work to do for Gibbs and the other teams, too. So she didn't have time to do the run of the mill stuff as well. Let's just say that Tony isn't quite as clueless when it comes to computers and technology as he likes people to think. Even when Todd joined the team, for example, I remember that Tony calibrated and operated ground penetrating radar. He also wired a wireless router into the telephone line so they could triangulate the direction of a rogue sniper, and he used to set up their computer networks when they were on cases away from the office." He grinned wickedly. "After coming to work for Gibbs, he took a speed typing course in self defense to deal with all his paper work, too."

Jimmy looked amazed and Tom guffawed, amused to have shocked Ducky's young assistant so easily. "How do you think that he managed to get all his own paperwork and reports done and Jethro's extra stuff finished in a timely fashion and still have time to play games on his computer? Despite fancying themselves as hotshot investigators, they never did figure out the reason why Gibbs didn't kill him for mucking around was because he'd already gotten his work completed and he was engaging in problem solving in his own rather unique fashion."

Jimmy looked confused, "Why keep it a secret, though?"

Tom shrugged, "You know what? I really have no idea why, but then again, why let them all think that he had just done Phys. Ed. at college? Perhaps he didn't want to show up Jethro who is a notorious techno dinosaur, or maybe he wanted to make McGee feel like his computer skills were his speciality on the team, or boost his Probie's self-esteem when he joined the MCRT."

"Well, what a colossal waste of time, if that really was his intention," Jimmy commented sardonically. Seeing the Assistant Director's confusion he explained, "While he might appear lacking in confidence, even in his first year Tim was convinced he was better than Tony and there wasn't anything that he could teach him. Like when he refused to listen to him when Tony tried to warn him about poison ivy at a crime scene and he end up covered in it, even his privates." Jimmy shook his head in a combination of amusement and scorn.

Tom sniggered. "I always wondered about that. I just assumed that Tony must have been pulling a prank. I never could understand how a scoutmaster could get caught out by poison ivy, twice." He exchanged a grin with Palmer. "Frankly, I was always disappointed that that incident never made it into his Agent McGregor books. It would have been very funny."

Be Careful What You Wish For

Gibbs barged into the Director's Office without bothering to knock, since he never did. Not for Jenny, not for Leon, and sometimes not even for Morrow, and he grabbed the remote control and switched the television to ZNN, turning up the volume. It showed Homeland Security Assistant Director Tom Morrow fronting a press conference to announce his newest team had broken a terrorist cell hiding out in DC and targeting the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Although they held back that particular detail from the press, simply stating that they had thwarted an attack on a high profile target after some brilliant investigative work by his newest team leader and his agents. Gibbs muted the sound and gave Vance his death ray stare while Leon chewed away on his toothpick impassively.

"This connects somehow to one of your cases, Gibbs?"

"Nope."

"So why are you bringing it to my attention?"

"Because, Leon, Tom gave me a heads up earlier. That new team leader, it's DiNozzo and his team."

Leon just glared at him unblinkingly his eyes reminding him of a reptilian stare, cold blooded. "And so… your point would be…" He was interrupted by his private line ringing.

"Hello, Leon."

"Hello, Philip," he greeted the SecNav.

"Were you watching Tom Morrow's presser, Leon?"

"Yes, we were." He answered his superior cautiously.

"Well, Morrow rang me to brag about their coup and he just happened to mention that his agent that is responsible for their stunning success used to work for us before you and yours hounded him out of NCIS. He thanked me for tossing him aside – said our loss was their gain." He paused and Vance debated whether to speak. Before he could decide, Philip Davenport effectively cut him off.

"Are you out of your mind, Leon? What were you thinking?" He ranted, as Leon tried in vain to interject. "NCIS is just a pissant little agency. We can ill afford to be losing gifted agents like DiNozzo to our sister agencies when we do manage to recruit them. Bad enough that they attract so many talented agents already. We don't have to give them our MVPs too. FIX IT, Leon. Fix it NOW!"

Leon gritted his teeth. "And how am I supposed to do that, Sir?"

The SecNav snorted. "You know what? I don't care. Do whatever you have to, to make it happen. Offer him his own team, offer him a deputy directorship in Europe. Hell, offer him your own damned job if you have to, but get him back." And with that parting shot, Philip Davenport slammed down the phone - hard.

Looking up in irritation he realised that Gibbs was still there watching and listening with that annoying half smile on his face. Damn him!

"You still here? Gloating, Gibbs?"

"Been waiting a long time for this. Just wanted to say I told ya so, Leon. You were always biased when it came to DiNozzo, but he's damned good."

"As if you can talk, he left because of you, Gibbs."

"Yeah, but even when I started to take him for granted, I always knew just how good he was. You could never see it."

Vance scowled. "SecNav has ordered me to get him back."

Gibbs looked sad, although not for his boss' sake. "He won't come back, Director. YOU let him go and now we've lost him for good. Gonna have to live with the consequences, we both will." He strode off, furious.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Gibbs exited Vance's office and briefly thought about going back to the bullpen, but decided to go and get a fresh round of coffee instead. Being in the bullpen these days was akin to torture in his opinion. It had always been like being around a bunch of kids on a playground, but since DiNozzo's departure, all the playful good humour had been sucked out of the place. Now it was just constant mean-spirited bickering and backstabbing. He'd hoped when Trina Cameron joined the team that her sense of humour would take the edge off the nastiness. Unfortunately, it hadn't worked out all that well, possibly because she was just too much like DiNozzo.

Vance had insisted that McGee be promoted to senior field agent and Ziver was pissed. Of course, there was no way that a Mossad Liaison Officer could possibly be appointed as SFA, but he could see why she resented being ordered around by Tim, whose field experience was far inferior to her own. Unlike DiNozzo's cop training, McGee's MIT background meant he would always lag behind Ziva out in the field, and for that reason she would never respect him in the position. She'd barely tolerated Tony, who was more than capable, so what chance did the 'Elf Lord' have?

He'd tried to explain to Leon when Tony first resigned that McGee might be ready to be an SFA, but that didn't mean he was ready to be Gibbs' SFA. Of course, Vance thought he knew better! And so the tension rose as Ziva and McGee snarked back and forth, and when the new Probie, Trina, tried to diffuse the pressure, they'd turned on her so viciously that she'd simply stopped bothering. He figured that it was just a matter of time before Cameron requested a transfer. She might share certain qualities with DiNozzo, but not his sense of loyalty. He was just starting to realise exactly what he'd lost… what they'd all lost.

Abby, with all the new age crap that she blathered on with, had always claimed that Tony was the heart and soul of the team, the glue that held them all together. But it looked as if she'd been one hundred percent correct, even if he had poo-pooed the idea when she said it. And it wasn't until now that he noticed just how intolerant and superior Ziver was or how smug and sulky Elf Lord was, either. Maybe it was due to the presence of the Probie that he saw them from a fresh perspective, but it wasn't entirely flattering.

McGee, meanwhile, whined about all the extra paperwork, insisting that DiNozzo had never worked this hard as SFA, so he'd acquainted him with the hag-dragons down in the Administrative, Accounting and HR departments, who gave him a fast education about the amount of paperwork required of a senior field agent at NCIS. Then Gibbs gave him a brutal education about what was expected of HIS senior field agent and handed over a good portion of his own crap that he considered to be particularly trivial and made him bad-tempered – well, more bad-tempered. Tony had offered to do it for the well-being of the team, and he'd become accustomed to not having to bother with it. No way was he going to go back to doing it now. He'd already lost DiNozzo – why should he suffer any more pain?

Still, it wasn't just the paperwork. McGee actually expected him to take him into his confidence during cases and tell him what he was thinking, but that was never gonna happen. DiNozzo never needed him whispering in his ear, telling him what was what. He knew what Gibbs was thinking and would guide the rest of the agents on the team in the right direction, but McGee would simply sit pouting at his computer like when he was a junior agent or arguing Hell for Leather with Ziva.

He remembered when Caitlyn Todd had labelled McGee passive aggressive. He'd felt a strong sense of empathy with the young agent since his last wife had told him as she was leaving that he was an annoying SOB and she couldn't live with someone who was a passive aggressive anymore. That was just before she whacked him over the head with a baseball bat. But any sense of kinship with McGee's passive aggressiveness quickly drained away when he had to deal with it on a daily basis. DiNozzo would call him out when he became too obsessed or drove the team too hard and it threatened the team, or he'd question decisions that Gibbs had made that he felt couldn't be let go. He doubted that Tim could overcome his nature sufficiently to confront him when he needed it.

Let's face it, the young agent hadn't even been able to stand up to his baby sister when she bullied him into not reporting her involvement in the death of a US Sailor, even though Tim was a federal agent and he was breaking the law. God knows, he'd been guilty over the years of protecting friends and family, but it had been a conscious decision on his part, not one he'd been bullied into. Not being able to stand up for yourself was a serious impediment to being an effective SFA – even Abby and Ziva knew that they could bully McGee into doing what they wanted, or in the case of the Israeli, scare him into doing it. And that made it difficult for people to trust or respect him professionally.

Which was precisely why Tim wasn't ready to fill DiNozzo's shoes, might never be, but then the MIT grad had never bothered to learn from him while he had the opportunity. Convinced that a mere cop with a Phys. Ed. degree would never be able to teach an MIT grad anything of consequence, he'd stubbornly gone his own way, looking to outshine his superior whenever possible.

Stopping at the coffee cart, Gibbs purchased three extra strong coffees and sat down on a nearby bench to drink at least one, hoping it would fortify him for his return to the bullpen. Thinking about Leon's extreme discomfort following SecNav's phone call, he couldn't stop grinning, and he really didn't want to since Leon deserved it. Davenport had been loud enough for Gibbs to hear most of what he had to say. He felt a malicious sense of satisfaction that Leon was now between a rock and a hard place; it couldn't happen to a more deserving idiot.

The truth was that he blamed Vance for the whole damned mess. Sure, he'd been a bastard and had driven DiNozzo away, but if Vance had insisted that Tony work out his notice instead of being in such a hurry to show him the door, Gibbs would have been able to talk him around. He always could – he knew Tony's most secret insecurities and vulnerabilities and used them to get what him to do what he wanted. All he had to say was that he needed him and the man would give his life for him if he demanded it. Well, he could always talk him around… before his coma. Now, Tony didn't know him from Adam and any ability to manipulate or even influence him was nonexistent.

Honestly, it had been the ultimate irony when Tony had finally woken up. Gibbs was determined to reclaim what was his and he'd done what he swore never to do. He apologised, in order to get DiNozzo back on the team and watching his six. And then he'd realised the great cosmic joke that had been played on them all when Tony had barely even blinked. He'd accepted the apology calmly and politely, but without the falling to the ground in shock that Gibbs had expected. And the irony was that Tony had no idea of the enormity of the gift he'd offered him, since he had no idea who the Hell Gibbs was. No idea who any of them were.

The tragedy was he'd left the apology far too long to offer, and now it was too late for either of them to reap any benefit from his remorse. In a real sense, it was almost as if Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had ceased to exist, as had any friendship that existed between them, and Gibbs was devastated. He didn't really have many friends, certainly not enough that he could afford to lose such a loyal one as Anthony DiNozzo. Yet he'd throw aside his loyal St. Bernard and now he had lost him…if the quacks were right, forever

Oh, sure, DiNozzo might still be alive, and he'd always be grateful for that fact, but he'd paid a huge price for his actions, they both had. Having temporarily lost his own memory, he knew the sense of isolation, the disorientation, and the emptiness, so a tiny part of him still wasn't prepared to accept that Tony's memory loss was permanent. He couldn't because to admit that to himself would be to admit that he had destroyed a friendship; no, not just one, but several, and that guilt on top of everything else would crush him.

He'd recovered his own memories, after all, and Tony had survived against the odds, this time and in the past, so he had to believe DiNozzo would get his memory back in the end. He had to admit, though, that it wasn't only Tony who was badly affected by his memory loss, it had impacted on many of them. Even though he knew that DiNozzo hadn't been hurt or had a stroke and lost his memory deliberately, it still hurt to have been forgotten after all they'd been through together over the years. It felt like they weren't important enough to be remembered, and it made him understand just how much his own amnesia must have affected everyone around him, too. But he clung to the maxim that Ducky often quoted that 'hope was the poor man's bread'. To give up hope was tantamount to admitting that the old DiNozzo was as good as dead, which he would never do.

And meanwhile, although his former SFA was clearly uncomfortable with them all at the moment, Gibbs still had high hopes that Tony's forgiving nature would allow him to make amends and they could reconnect again, even if that did mean starting anew. His former agent wasn't capable of bearing a grudge, no matter how badly he was treated. Although he wanted the old Tony back, complete with his memories of the last eight years, he'd settle for the new version if he had to. He'd even made it his business to ensure that Morrow and every damned one of the agents on DiNozzo's team had copies of the files on each and every dirtbag that Tony had pissed off and/or put in prison, along with their mug shots, over the past eight years he'd worked at NCIS (and there'd been a Hell of a lot of them) since DiNozzo couldn't remember them if they came after him. While some might think that it wasn't a good idea for him to be working in the field when he couldn't remember, Gibbs knew in reality it would be even more dangerous for Tony if he was a civilian and didn't have people watching his six. At least this way his team could keep their eyes and ears open for trouble.

Thinking of the last few months, he hadn't realised just how much he would miss Tony's admiration and acceptance, not until he didn't have it anymore, but it couldn't be gone for good. Palmer was already making progress, reconnecting with him, and his success gave Jethro hope, as well as encouraged him that his success would make it easier for Gibbs.

He was willing to concede that perhaps he'd lost Tony as his senior field agent because he had taken him for granted for far too long. But if he was really being honest with himself for once, it was also because as an extremely alpha personality, he'd subconsciously viewed DiNozzo as a potential rival since his hiatus, mostly because the guy was just that good. His success over at Homeland Security amply bore that out, and on a subconscious level the former Marine had recognised his potential for what it represented – a rival - even if DiNozzo didn't know just how good he really was. In the back of his mind, he'd secretly been scared that Tony would show him up, usurp him, so he'd made sure to keep him firmly in his place. And if the two junior agents took their cues from him and used DiNozzo for target practise as well, that was all to the good.

As Gibbs sat there on the bench sipping on his second cup of coffee, dreading returning to the bull pen, a place he used to think of as his second home, he thought back to what had started this whole mess, and he realized he had gotten exactly what he wished for all those months ago. Tony had definitely gotten an attitude adjustment, and not in a way that he'd envisaged. For his vanity, his hubris and his paranoia, he had paid a very costly price.

~The End~

Author's Notes:

I've developed a much thicker skin over the last 23 months I've been writing and posting stories here, but I admit from time to time people still catch me unawares, getting past my defences. One I addressed last chapter and the second one while praising the chapter, informed me that I have too many stories unfinished and should think hard about how many is too many. I talked to a friend to see if I had taken it the wrong way and their take was that the reviewer was channelilng Gibbs. In their words, "Wrapping up a compliment in an insult is such a very Gibbs thing to do." For the record I usually have three ongoing stories that are updated on a regular basis. All my chapters are quite lengthy – between 3000 – 13 000 words which is not the average chapter length for most stories AND each one is generally updated at least once a month – often far more frequently than many authors. I also have 3 stories open that are episode based, but which can all stand alone as each one is a vignette and doesn't affect those before or after it. Realistically, the Angel series: Cate and Paula will never be finished –not until after the show ends. Right now though… well I have decided to mark Agent Anthony Afloat complete since it seems to be such an issue and I seriously feel tempted to do the same with the Angels because I don't need to deal with the angst.

In the time I have been active on this site I have posted 11 complete stories out of 15 counting this one – most of which have been long stories of 10 or more chapters and usually more than 40 000 words. As I said, I've posted regularly and, I have tried to ensure that they are well written, proofed (thanks to an awesome group of beta readers who selflessly offer their valuable services and without them I wouldn't be posting) and I research my stories and try to make sure they have believable plots and are fresh. I have no desire to write formulaic stories (repeating what I have done before) or plagiarise what others have done. I don't owe anyone this explanation but I am going to offer it in the optimistic belief that the reviewer didn't mean to be patronising by offering me that piece of advice, just insensitive. BUT… words can and do wound and when it comes to the creative process we authors can be sensitive perhaps. But speaking on behalf of my fellow writers and their betas, please think before you speak and chose your word carefully if you have what you think is concrit to offer. We don't get paid to put up with abusive or hurtful comments and no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read our work!

So explanation…It may have escaped people's notice but in the two years I have been writing and posting on the site, I have thankfully, never suffered a real case of writers block, unlike so many other authors and here is why. I write mostly every day. If not for work then I try to write fiction and when I inevitably get stuck on something I switch stories and work on a fresh chapter and that helps me regain my rhythm which is really important when I write. My episodic based stories are for when I am in between stories or I have become seriously blocked as I can usually force something out that permits me to regain my flow. Mmm sounds a bit analogous to maintaining good bowel health and not that far fetched either – what with my writing philosophy of 'use it or lose it.' Might not work for everyone but IT WORKS FOR ME and I have no intention of changing my approach. What I am questioning is whether it is worth the angst of continuing to post here.

Honestly, I have seen lots of good and exceptional writers chased off and I am beginning to understand why. I have a wonderful group of friends and an absolutely strong core of supporters who have been nothing other than encouraging and I would have no qualms in giving them private access to my work. As previously stated, we don't get paid for what we do, the only remuneration received is reviews and usually the number received by a writer versus the number of hits is extremely low, which means we are very badly paid. Minimum wage is something only to be dreamed about! LOL Just to give non writers an insight into the facts of life for a fan fic writer, for example chapter 8 received approximately 10 000 hits and generated 18 reviews, many of which were from the same group of people that always leave reviews and have done so from my first story. THEY are awesome!

I have never held my stories hostage for reviews and like to think I have treated readers with respect. I think Arress who has worked with me the longest as a beta will back me when I say that I am more than happy to take on board concrit when I feel it is warranted and have done so frequently in the past. I have never not finished a story and I hope that with each new one I have improved or brought something fresh to the table. I strive to entertain but also educate, which is why I like writing about Tony so much. He is such a flawed character, with his history of abuse and neglect which is such rich picking for a writer. And for some unfathomable reason, seems to attract an inexplicable degree of scorn and hatred from a certain quarter who seem incapable of seeing his behaviour in light of his developmental history. Yet they are more than ready to grant hero and victim status to others with a far less damaging childhoods. Perhaps because he grew up in wealth, there is a degree of avarice there, but to have had two parents who were alcoholics which by definition results in neglect, a lack of socialisation and arrested development, Tony could very easily have turned out as a sociopath. Yet he is probably the one most likely not to have a chip on his shoulder as well as the one that is most caring and aware of others. He may act like an ass and be inappropriate at times, and given his upbringing why the Hell wouldn't he, but he is never malicious and would give his life in a heartbeat for a friend or an innocent. There is much to be admired in someone who essentially raised himself. My Tony stories are dedicated to those children out there like him who don't have a voice.


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